So, I get up this morning to feed Isaac and I turn on the Today Show (as I have become accustomed to doing every morning). After a short time I realize there is quite a bit of focus on this being the day that Elvis died, 30 years ago. It is really the story of the day!
I was only 1 year old when Elvis died, so I honestly cannot understand all the hype. It amazes me how people can idolize celebrities. People, mostly strangers to him, still travel across the country to Graceland to see where he lived and died and to remember him in life and death. I am not trying to make light of it. I think it is certainly a good thing to honor those who have passed on, I just don't understand the public idolitry of it all.
Perhaps it is because on this same day I honor a different person. Someone who was not by any means a public idol, but certainly a hero to me and those who knew him. No one will travel across country to see where he lived or to visit his grave, and there will be no candelight vigils or benefit concerts in his name. No one has written, or likely will ever write a book about him, but he was a truly successful and accomplished man. 3 years ago today, my father passed away.
I can recount every detail of that entire weekend fairly well. I remember shortly after he passed someone telling me that the "horrible memories of death" fade away and you begin to focus on the good memories from life. I think that has been true to an extent. Day by day I no longer focus on what happened that weekend and I more often than not focus on all the really great memories that I have of my father. But once a year, on the date of his passing, I am taken back to that weekend and I can remember it as if it were yesterday.
It does make me think about all the fan fare surrounding Elvis. While crowds of people gather to remember his life, there are probably a small handful of others who are recounting the details of his death. Details that only they know. Details that take them back 30 years as if it were yesterday. Details that draw them together with a special closeness that no one else can share.
I guess it is not all that surprising that after only 3 years I have such a vivid memory of it all, but I feel like I will never forget it. I don't really want to. I have said this before, but I am glad that I shared the last moments of my father's life with him. God provided us with many blessings that I did not expect to experience through the death of someone so close to me. So today, I remember death. Some things difficult to remember but none the less still very special to me. And then I go on to remember life and the many more very special moments...until next year.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Thursday, July 19, 2007
What's in a Name?
After one heck of a meltdown, Isaac is sleeping soundly and I have a few moments to catch up on some blogging. Quick update…we seem to be getting past some of the setbacks we’ve had with nursing. Hopefully things will continue somewhat comfortably. Isaac is starting to make more sounds, cooing and ooing and ahing. He also smiles from time to time. I’m not sure it is a real smile yet…it is usually pretty random and not in response to anything…so it is most likely gas or something…but it is still stinkin’ cute! He can follow us with his eyes for a few moments and he seems to be able to focus on things that are pretty close to him. He loves to go outside. If he is in the middle of a meltdown and I take him outside he almost always calms down instantly. He also loves car rides. He hates sneezing, spitting up and burping. He almost always cries every time he does any of those things. Okay, now on to some of my thoughts…
It is still hard to believe sometimes that all this is really true. Jamie and I were talking last week about how it kinda feels like your just playing house at first. Nope, this child is mine. He’s here and we’re parents. Everything we had hoped and prayed for over 2 plus years has become a reality. Sometimes, I feel like we had no clue what we were getting ourselves into! But we are so happy and so thankful. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for this little guy. I trust that God’s plan for him is going to include great and wonderful things.
Before Mike and I ever even thought about having children, we used to talk about the names we liked. Early on we decided that we would carry on Mike’s middle name (which is also his father’s middle name) if we ever had a son. Years later when we found out I was pregnant and then found out we were having a boy we started narrowing our list of first name choices to go with our middle name. I was happy with our decisions, but I was starting to have second thoughts.
I started considering my father and how much I wanted to pass along some little part of him. I began to actually create pressure on myself, convinced that those who knew my father would “expect” me to use his name and would think I was not interested in honoring him if I didn’t use his name. The problem was…to be quite honest…I didn’t really like his name…I mean I liked it for him…but not enough to use if for my son...especially as his first name. Since we had already agreed on a middle name, I was kinda stuck. Mike and I talked about using my dad’s name as a middle name, or even having 2 middle names, but I knew passing on his name was really important to Mike and I didn’t want to take that away from him.
So, we made our decision and I was honestly okay with it. I decided there was so much more to my father than what’s in a name and that we could easily pass on his legacy to Isaac whether he actually had his name or not. Would he honestly honor or respect my father’s memory any more if he had his name…I really don’t think so. The point of this blog is to share something that I think is a really cool gift from God. Right after Isaac was born, one of the first things that Mike said to me was “He looks like your dad!”
He really does. Isaac is a pretty good mix of Mike and my dad. I feel like this is God’s way of honoring my dad. I was so worried about the name, but He gave Isaac a little piece of my dad and we will be able to say to him “you have your grandpa’s chin and his smile” or “you look like your grandpa when you do this”. I’m so excited for that and to be able to share all the stories about my dad with Isaac.
It is still hard to believe sometimes that all this is really true. Jamie and I were talking last week about how it kinda feels like your just playing house at first. Nope, this child is mine. He’s here and we’re parents. Everything we had hoped and prayed for over 2 plus years has become a reality. Sometimes, I feel like we had no clue what we were getting ourselves into! But we are so happy and so thankful. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for this little guy. I trust that God’s plan for him is going to include great and wonderful things.
Before Mike and I ever even thought about having children, we used to talk about the names we liked. Early on we decided that we would carry on Mike’s middle name (which is also his father’s middle name) if we ever had a son. Years later when we found out I was pregnant and then found out we were having a boy we started narrowing our list of first name choices to go with our middle name. I was happy with our decisions, but I was starting to have second thoughts.
I started considering my father and how much I wanted to pass along some little part of him. I began to actually create pressure on myself, convinced that those who knew my father would “expect” me to use his name and would think I was not interested in honoring him if I didn’t use his name. The problem was…to be quite honest…I didn’t really like his name…I mean I liked it for him…but not enough to use if for my son...especially as his first name. Since we had already agreed on a middle name, I was kinda stuck. Mike and I talked about using my dad’s name as a middle name, or even having 2 middle names, but I knew passing on his name was really important to Mike and I didn’t want to take that away from him.
So, we made our decision and I was honestly okay with it. I decided there was so much more to my father than what’s in a name and that we could easily pass on his legacy to Isaac whether he actually had his name or not. Would he honestly honor or respect my father’s memory any more if he had his name…I really don’t think so. The point of this blog is to share something that I think is a really cool gift from God. Right after Isaac was born, one of the first things that Mike said to me was “He looks like your dad!”
He really does. Isaac is a pretty good mix of Mike and my dad. I feel like this is God’s way of honoring my dad. I was so worried about the name, but He gave Isaac a little piece of my dad and we will be able to say to him “you have your grandpa’s chin and his smile” or “you look like your grandpa when you do this”. I’m so excited for that and to be able to share all the stories about my dad with Isaac.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
It all began on Father's Day
Okay, this is going to be LONG…believe me, I wish it was a much shorter story…but it is what it is…
At 12 am on Father's Day I began to have mild contractions. Throughout the night they were just strong enough and consistent enough to keep me awake the entire night. Around 5 am I told Mike that I was pretty sure I had started labor so we called my Dr. and I was told to come to the hospital. We arrived around 7 am at the hospital birth center and after they checked me, they decided to keep me there since I had progressed slightly since my last OB appointment. I continued to progress very slowly (to 3 cm) until about 6 pm when my contractions became irregular and they decided to send me home.
I was devastated, I guess I assumed once things got started there was no turning back. However, it did seem to be the best option at the time. As soon as I got home, the contractions became more regular again. The nurse told Mike to get me some Tylenol PM to help take the edge off and help me to sleep. I was skeptical, but it really did help. I managed to sleep Sunday night and woke up Monday still in "early" labor.
We didn't want to make the same mistake twice, so I stayed home most of the day Monday as my contractions became more intense. By about 6 pm we decided they were close enough and intense enough to call the Dr. again. We were told to come in, so we made our way to the hospital and arrived around 8 pm. I was checked at this point and had progressed to 4 – 5 cm. We had made the decision to start the labor and delivery process naturally, with no medication. Not because I was dead set against it, but just because I wanted to minimize any side effects for me or the baby. I didn't want to be pumped with medication any sooner than was necessary. So we started "active" labor using all natural comfort measures. The birth ball, massage & breathing techniques, the shower…all of which seemed to get me through (somewhat to my surprise). After being in the shower for awhile it seemed that my contractions were getting more and more intense so they did another check around 11 pm and I had progressed to 7 – 8 cm. It seemed that things were really moving now and I would soon be in "transition" so, we decided to call our families and a few close friends to let them know it could be any time now.
To manage this next stage of labor they recommended the Jacuzzi tub. It was actually quite helpful. I spent a while in the tub and when things seemed more intense they got me out to check me. Still 8 cm. Waited a little while longer…still 8 cm. Sometime the next morning…still 8 cm. This is where things start to get a little foggy for me…maybe Mike will write a blog and fill in some of the details.
Sometime on Tuesday morning I decided to take some pain medication. They gave me staidol to help take the edge off the contractions and to give me some rest. It was supposed to work for about 2 – 3 hours, but after about 45 mintues, my pain was intense. Mike got the nurse and she said perhaps this was a good sign, maybe I had progressed so the staidol wasn't strong enough to work now. Another check…still 8 cm. This was when the nurse realized that my I.V. was not hooked up to saline drip, so I had not received the full dose of staidol. Apparently the saline drip helps to give a slow release of the medication so it works longer. Since I hadn't gotten the full dose she flushed the I.V. I got the rest of the dose all right…but not slow release! It instantly knocked me out. I felt horrible! I was dizzy and incoherent. Shortly afterward I began to vomit and once that was all over I was a zombie for the next few hours.
By this point I had been in labor for over 48 hours. I was sick, tired, shaking uncontrollably and incoherent for the most part (Mike has some funny stories about this time period). Sometime around 4pm I was checked again and still no progress. My Dr. started to speculate that the baby was not in an ideal position. She said he wasn't posterior, and it seemed that he was not quite transverse, but he was not completely head on either. Her recommendation was to put me on an epidural and give me pitocin to relax me and strengthen my contractions. She thought this would help the baby drop into the proper position.
I can't say why, but I was terrified of the epidural. You would think after all this time I would welcome it with open arms, but I was really, really upset. It was probably somewhat due to my tired over drugged state. Still unable to control my shaking, I was terrified that I would move too much and things would go horribly awry. But there was no way I was going to be able to continue in my current state, so it had to be done.
Around 5 pm I was transferred out of the Birth Center to Labor and Delivery. The epidural went very smoothly and the anesthesiologist was SO nice me. He and all the nurses really helped to calm me down (although I was still shaking) and within minutes I was feeling no pain. Then they started the pitocin. I felt much better, and I was like a different person. Mike said he could actually have a conversation with me now. The plan was to stay on the epidural and pitocin until I progressed to where I could push. We all thought this would be very soon.
I did feel a lot better, but for some reason I began to vomit again (we think maybe the pitocin). I was checked in about an hour and I started to progress to 9 cm, but only on one side. This was because of the baby's position. He was only dilating one side of my cervix. My Dr. wanted to wait a while longer to see if he would move, but she said if he didn't I would have to have a C-Section.
So, after I received this news…more vomiting (they had also turned up the pitocin so that could've been it too). I was once again in a state of terror. I have never had surgery of any kind and I was just in disbelief that this birth experience was SO far from what I had expected. The nurse that was with me was SO sweet and really helped to relax me about the whole experience. As I waited, I knew that even if the baby moved and I had the option to push that my body just wouldn't be able to tolerate it. I was exhausted! And more than that…just ready to meet my baby.
So, they started prep for surgery. I had to drink this stuff to neutralize my stomach and I'm sure you can guess what happened…more vomiting. When that subsided they took me to the OR still shaking uncontrollably. The idea of them cutting me open in this state was somewhat scary, but everything went really well and at 10:32 pm on Tuesday, June 19th, little Isaac was born. After he was out, I started to feel some pain. It was hard to describe, I mean the epidural was working fine…I didn't feel the cut or any pain during the delivery, but afterward…while they were working…it was just really sore. One of the nurses noticed my discomfort and was concerned. She started asking me what I was feeling, but all I could say was "I'm just sore". I guess she was worried that I was feeling too much pain cuz next thing I knew I had a shot of morphine in my arm! Again, I was instantly incoherent and when I got back to recovery…you guessed it…vomiting.
Finally, in recovery things began to settle down. I got to meet my little guy and just like everyone said…all was forgotten, and all was well.
I do want to say that I was SO happy with everyone at the hospital. I was so impressed with the care and attention that I was given by everyone. Also, I had my waiting crew…Mike's parents, my cousin Heather, Stacy Holmes and her mom Vicky Lang (Stewart was there for awhile too, but he had to leave to take care of Rayna). They all came to the hospital and stuck with us through the whole experience…I felt bad that they were just waiting and getting updates from Mike, but knowing they were there for me and so excited for me really meant SO much to me.
Most of all, I was so amazed by my husband. He was absolutely perfect through the whole experience. I couldn't have asked for anything more, he did it all! Not only was he part of the "team"…he literally carried me through most parts of this experience. He instantly fell in love with Isaac and was his main caregiver for the first few hours (since I was stuck in recovery). They really had a chance to bond and I am SO thankful for that. I feel a lot closer to Mike now and hopefully he feels the same way.
Well, there it is…our birth story. Thank you to all who shared this entire journey with us from infertility through pregnancy to birth. It truly is a miracle and we thank God for all of our blessings!
At 12 am on Father's Day I began to have mild contractions. Throughout the night they were just strong enough and consistent enough to keep me awake the entire night. Around 5 am I told Mike that I was pretty sure I had started labor so we called my Dr. and I was told to come to the hospital. We arrived around 7 am at the hospital birth center and after they checked me, they decided to keep me there since I had progressed slightly since my last OB appointment. I continued to progress very slowly (to 3 cm) until about 6 pm when my contractions became irregular and they decided to send me home.
I was devastated, I guess I assumed once things got started there was no turning back. However, it did seem to be the best option at the time. As soon as I got home, the contractions became more regular again. The nurse told Mike to get me some Tylenol PM to help take the edge off and help me to sleep. I was skeptical, but it really did help. I managed to sleep Sunday night and woke up Monday still in "early" labor.
We didn't want to make the same mistake twice, so I stayed home most of the day Monday as my contractions became more intense. By about 6 pm we decided they were close enough and intense enough to call the Dr. again. We were told to come in, so we made our way to the hospital and arrived around 8 pm. I was checked at this point and had progressed to 4 – 5 cm. We had made the decision to start the labor and delivery process naturally, with no medication. Not because I was dead set against it, but just because I wanted to minimize any side effects for me or the baby. I didn't want to be pumped with medication any sooner than was necessary. So we started "active" labor using all natural comfort measures. The birth ball, massage & breathing techniques, the shower…all of which seemed to get me through (somewhat to my surprise). After being in the shower for awhile it seemed that my contractions were getting more and more intense so they did another check around 11 pm and I had progressed to 7 – 8 cm. It seemed that things were really moving now and I would soon be in "transition" so, we decided to call our families and a few close friends to let them know it could be any time now.
To manage this next stage of labor they recommended the Jacuzzi tub. It was actually quite helpful. I spent a while in the tub and when things seemed more intense they got me out to check me. Still 8 cm. Waited a little while longer…still 8 cm. Sometime the next morning…still 8 cm. This is where things start to get a little foggy for me…maybe Mike will write a blog and fill in some of the details.
Sometime on Tuesday morning I decided to take some pain medication. They gave me staidol to help take the edge off the contractions and to give me some rest. It was supposed to work for about 2 – 3 hours, but after about 45 mintues, my pain was intense. Mike got the nurse and she said perhaps this was a good sign, maybe I had progressed so the staidol wasn't strong enough to work now. Another check…still 8 cm. This was when the nurse realized that my I.V. was not hooked up to saline drip, so I had not received the full dose of staidol. Apparently the saline drip helps to give a slow release of the medication so it works longer. Since I hadn't gotten the full dose she flushed the I.V. I got the rest of the dose all right…but not slow release! It instantly knocked me out. I felt horrible! I was dizzy and incoherent. Shortly afterward I began to vomit and once that was all over I was a zombie for the next few hours.
By this point I had been in labor for over 48 hours. I was sick, tired, shaking uncontrollably and incoherent for the most part (Mike has some funny stories about this time period). Sometime around 4pm I was checked again and still no progress. My Dr. started to speculate that the baby was not in an ideal position. She said he wasn't posterior, and it seemed that he was not quite transverse, but he was not completely head on either. Her recommendation was to put me on an epidural and give me pitocin to relax me and strengthen my contractions. She thought this would help the baby drop into the proper position.
I can't say why, but I was terrified of the epidural. You would think after all this time I would welcome it with open arms, but I was really, really upset. It was probably somewhat due to my tired over drugged state. Still unable to control my shaking, I was terrified that I would move too much and things would go horribly awry. But there was no way I was going to be able to continue in my current state, so it had to be done.
Around 5 pm I was transferred out of the Birth Center to Labor and Delivery. The epidural went very smoothly and the anesthesiologist was SO nice me. He and all the nurses really helped to calm me down (although I was still shaking) and within minutes I was feeling no pain. Then they started the pitocin. I felt much better, and I was like a different person. Mike said he could actually have a conversation with me now. The plan was to stay on the epidural and pitocin until I progressed to where I could push. We all thought this would be very soon.
I did feel a lot better, but for some reason I began to vomit again (we think maybe the pitocin). I was checked in about an hour and I started to progress to 9 cm, but only on one side. This was because of the baby's position. He was only dilating one side of my cervix. My Dr. wanted to wait a while longer to see if he would move, but she said if he didn't I would have to have a C-Section.
So, after I received this news…more vomiting (they had also turned up the pitocin so that could've been it too). I was once again in a state of terror. I have never had surgery of any kind and I was just in disbelief that this birth experience was SO far from what I had expected. The nurse that was with me was SO sweet and really helped to relax me about the whole experience. As I waited, I knew that even if the baby moved and I had the option to push that my body just wouldn't be able to tolerate it. I was exhausted! And more than that…just ready to meet my baby.
So, they started prep for surgery. I had to drink this stuff to neutralize my stomach and I'm sure you can guess what happened…more vomiting. When that subsided they took me to the OR still shaking uncontrollably. The idea of them cutting me open in this state was somewhat scary, but everything went really well and at 10:32 pm on Tuesday, June 19th, little Isaac was born. After he was out, I started to feel some pain. It was hard to describe, I mean the epidural was working fine…I didn't feel the cut or any pain during the delivery, but afterward…while they were working…it was just really sore. One of the nurses noticed my discomfort and was concerned. She started asking me what I was feeling, but all I could say was "I'm just sore". I guess she was worried that I was feeling too much pain cuz next thing I knew I had a shot of morphine in my arm! Again, I was instantly incoherent and when I got back to recovery…you guessed it…vomiting.
Finally, in recovery things began to settle down. I got to meet my little guy and just like everyone said…all was forgotten, and all was well.
I do want to say that I was SO happy with everyone at the hospital. I was so impressed with the care and attention that I was given by everyone. Also, I had my waiting crew…Mike's parents, my cousin Heather, Stacy Holmes and her mom Vicky Lang (Stewart was there for awhile too, but he had to leave to take care of Rayna). They all came to the hospital and stuck with us through the whole experience…I felt bad that they were just waiting and getting updates from Mike, but knowing they were there for me and so excited for me really meant SO much to me.
Most of all, I was so amazed by my husband. He was absolutely perfect through the whole experience. I couldn't have asked for anything more, he did it all! Not only was he part of the "team"…he literally carried me through most parts of this experience. He instantly fell in love with Isaac and was his main caregiver for the first few hours (since I was stuck in recovery). They really had a chance to bond and I am SO thankful for that. I feel a lot closer to Mike now and hopefully he feels the same way.
Well, there it is…our birth story. Thank you to all who shared this entire journey with us from infertility through pregnancy to birth. It truly is a miracle and we thank God for all of our blessings!
Friday, June 22, 2007
Introducing...
Isaac Alan Gregg!
He was born Tuesday June 19th at 10:32 pm by C-Section.
He was 8 lbs. 2 oz. & 22 inches.
I promise I will write more about the experience later...we just got home today and we are all pretty wiped out. I will also post pics as soon as I can! Mike has to help me set up the laptop to be able to upload my pics from the camera. Any of you out there who took some pics for us please send them to me!!!
Thank you ALL for your love and prayers. More to come!
Nancy, Mike and Baby Isaac.
He was born Tuesday June 19th at 10:32 pm by C-Section.
He was 8 lbs. 2 oz. & 22 inches.
I promise I will write more about the experience later...we just got home today and we are all pretty wiped out. I will also post pics as soon as I can! Mike has to help me set up the laptop to be able to upload my pics from the camera. Any of you out there who took some pics for us please send them to me!!!
Thank you ALL for your love and prayers. More to come!
Nancy, Mike and Baby Isaac.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Baby Updates
Well, I'm almost 39 weeks! On Thursday we had a late ultrasound to check the size of the baby. It was really amazing to see him at this stage in the game. (I put a few pics up so you can check them out).
Anyway, the tech said that everything looks great. He does appear to be a bit chubby (at least his face), but I think that is cute. They do estimate his size to be about 8 lbs 4 oz. Which is interesting because then she told us that ultrasounds can be 1 lb off either way. So basically he is between 7 - 9 lbs. The main thing is they can tell he is not excessively big, so that was good news.
I guess I have some extra fluid, which is common for mom's with blood sugar issues. She said it was not excessive either and nothing to worry about. She just explained that is why I feel so "full". Like my stomach couldn't possibly stretch any more at all.
Any day now!!!
Anyway, the tech said that everything looks great. He does appear to be a bit chubby (at least his face), but I think that is cute. They do estimate his size to be about 8 lbs 4 oz. Which is interesting because then she told us that ultrasounds can be 1 lb off either way. So basically he is between 7 - 9 lbs. The main thing is they can tell he is not excessively big, so that was good news.
I guess I have some extra fluid, which is common for mom's with blood sugar issues. She said it was not excessive either and nothing to worry about. She just explained that is why I feel so "full". Like my stomach couldn't possibly stretch any more at all.
Any day now!!!
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Time
So, I have been off work for exactly one week, and already I am amazed at how easy it has been to completely WASTE time. Seriously, I'm not talking about being still or resting...I am accepting that those are important things for me to do right now...I literally mean wasting time.
I don't think I have ever watched as much television as I have in the past week. Not only that...but a lot of what I am watching is reruns of things I have already seen (some things I have seen multiple times!). The beginning of my week consisted of eating, sleeping and watching T.V.
Waiting is really hard for me...being still is really hard for me...I'm not looking to be running around crazy right now, or to be making an appearance at any and every social event...I just want to turn off the stupid T.V.! There are so many other things I could be doing that would still allow me to be restful...but day after day I am not choosing those things. So, as I start a new week I'm going to make some goals. Here is what I want my time to look like:
1. Spending time with God in devotions and prayer.
2. Enjoying nice days outside with the dogs.
3. Reading some good books.
4. Practice for my photography class.
5. Walking on the treadmill (slowly).
6. Maybe a nap or two here and there.
7. Listening to music.
8. Limited time watching T.V. and only things I have NOT seen yet.
Anyone have any other ideas?? I'm open to suggestions! Think I can do it? I sure hope so. I'll let you know.
I don't think I have ever watched as much television as I have in the past week. Not only that...but a lot of what I am watching is reruns of things I have already seen (some things I have seen multiple times!). The beginning of my week consisted of eating, sleeping and watching T.V.
Waiting is really hard for me...being still is really hard for me...I'm not looking to be running around crazy right now, or to be making an appearance at any and every social event...I just want to turn off the stupid T.V.! There are so many other things I could be doing that would still allow me to be restful...but day after day I am not choosing those things. So, as I start a new week I'm going to make some goals. Here is what I want my time to look like:
1. Spending time with God in devotions and prayer.
2. Enjoying nice days outside with the dogs.
3. Reading some good books.
4. Practice for my photography class.
5. Walking on the treadmill (slowly).
6. Maybe a nap or two here and there.
7. Listening to music.
8. Limited time watching T.V. and only things I have NOT seen yet.
Anyone have any other ideas?? I'm open to suggestions! Think I can do it? I sure hope so. I'll let you know.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
A month from now...
So, I've been thinking a lot lately about what my life is going to look like about a month from now. So many people have tried to explain the miracle (both the joys and sacrifices) of adding a child to your family...but I have a feeling I will not truly be able to fathom it until it actually happens.
I'm not sure how this happened, but I am a worrier by nature. Neither one of my parents have (had) this trait, so I'm not sure who is to blame...but none the less...I worry. I seem to have gotten a little better over the years and several life experiences, but if I am honest...worry often creeps into my thoughts and can sometimes get me worked up about things that I probably don't need to be worked up about.
We have wanted a child for several years now. There was a time when it seemed like that may not be in God's plan for us. So why now, after He chose to bless us would I even consider letting worry enter the picture and steal my joy? I guess there are just so many thoughts going through my head right now...so many unknowns...so many things I'm not sure I am really ready for!?
First of all...LABOR & Childbirth...This is kind of easy to put in the back of your mind during the early months of pregnancy, but the reality of this really starts to hit home when you are about a month away from delivery. Will everything be okay? Can I really do this?
Secondly...Life Change. As much as I hate to admit it...I've become accustomed to a certain way of life. You know life is going to change when you add a child into the picture, but I'm not sure I can really fathom HOW much life is going to change and if I am ready for these changes. What sacrifices will I really need to make and am I unselfish enough to make these sacrifices?
Third...Identity Crisis. I have been so many things for so many years...but now, most of my being is going to be wrapped up into being a Mother. I have been working since I got out of high school...now, as far as we can tell...I will be a stay at home Mom. A prospect that sounds very appealing at first, but also makes me wonder if I'm really cut out to be a stay at home Mom? I have always been an extreme social butterfly...I thrive on social situations, but will these be limited now as I face caring for a completely dependant human being? I am a volunteer...I love to be involved, to serve, and to help. I take pride in the fact that I am available and dependable...something I wonder if I will be able to do now. Will I still be able to be involved in ministry?
Finally...Parenting. The vastness of this responsibility constantly overwhelms me. I worry that I won't make the right decisions, or that even if I do...my child may rebel. I worry that he won't be healthy or that the evil in this world will get the best of him. I worry that I can't protect him. I worry that I will try to control him...knowing full well that I can't.
I feel like I've painted a pretty bleak picture here. Like a bride having second thoughts at the altar...only with this...there really is NO turning back. There is more...but I feel like I've probably said too much already. I didn't want to give the idea that I'm totally freaking out or that these things have me paralyzed with fear. That is not the case. They are just thoughts that enter my head, things that I have to constantly give back to God. And that is what I am doing. I have faced the unknown several times in my life and He has ALWAYS seen me through. I know this time will not be any different. Overall, I still feel so overwhelmingly blessed, excited and full of joy!
I'm not sure how this happened, but I am a worrier by nature. Neither one of my parents have (had) this trait, so I'm not sure who is to blame...but none the less...I worry. I seem to have gotten a little better over the years and several life experiences, but if I am honest...worry often creeps into my thoughts and can sometimes get me worked up about things that I probably don't need to be worked up about.
We have wanted a child for several years now. There was a time when it seemed like that may not be in God's plan for us. So why now, after He chose to bless us would I even consider letting worry enter the picture and steal my joy? I guess there are just so many thoughts going through my head right now...so many unknowns...so many things I'm not sure I am really ready for!?
First of all...LABOR & Childbirth...This is kind of easy to put in the back of your mind during the early months of pregnancy, but the reality of this really starts to hit home when you are about a month away from delivery. Will everything be okay? Can I really do this?
Secondly...Life Change. As much as I hate to admit it...I've become accustomed to a certain way of life. You know life is going to change when you add a child into the picture, but I'm not sure I can really fathom HOW much life is going to change and if I am ready for these changes. What sacrifices will I really need to make and am I unselfish enough to make these sacrifices?
Third...Identity Crisis. I have been so many things for so many years...but now, most of my being is going to be wrapped up into being a Mother. I have been working since I got out of high school...now, as far as we can tell...I will be a stay at home Mom. A prospect that sounds very appealing at first, but also makes me wonder if I'm really cut out to be a stay at home Mom? I have always been an extreme social butterfly...I thrive on social situations, but will these be limited now as I face caring for a completely dependant human being? I am a volunteer...I love to be involved, to serve, and to help. I take pride in the fact that I am available and dependable...something I wonder if I will be able to do now. Will I still be able to be involved in ministry?
Finally...Parenting. The vastness of this responsibility constantly overwhelms me. I worry that I won't make the right decisions, or that even if I do...my child may rebel. I worry that he won't be healthy or that the evil in this world will get the best of him. I worry that I can't protect him. I worry that I will try to control him...knowing full well that I can't.
I feel like I've painted a pretty bleak picture here. Like a bride having second thoughts at the altar...only with this...there really is NO turning back. There is more...but I feel like I've probably said too much already. I didn't want to give the idea that I'm totally freaking out or that these things have me paralyzed with fear. That is not the case. They are just thoughts that enter my head, things that I have to constantly give back to God. And that is what I am doing. I have faced the unknown several times in my life and He has ALWAYS seen me through. I know this time will not be any different. Overall, I still feel so overwhelmingly blessed, excited and full of joy!
Friday, May 11, 2007
Letting Go
Well, we did it. Yesterday, we dropped off the BMW to its new owner. I deposited the check today and all is well. Well, sorta...
I got to thinking yesterday that some people must be wondering how we can be so concerned about $ when we owned a BMW! Some of you know, but most of you may not, that I inherited the BMW when my father passed away. I can assure you that at no point in our lives up to this moment have we ever been able to afford a BMW. That was part of our reason for getting rid of it. The maintenance alone on one that we didn't even pay for was more than we could manage. But that is not the point of this blog...
I honestly didn't think that I would have any problem selling my father's old car, but I have to say that it was a little weird. Just before we left, Mike went out to make sure he had it all cleaned out and came in with a few things. Several of these things were my fathers. Nothing important really, just papers with his handwriting and several pieces of the gum that he used to chew. There was a page from his calendar with notes on how to get to an Automotive Museum. My dad was a car man through and through. At the moment it made me a little sad, and I guess there is a little sadness left today, but these memories also make me smile. It is amazing how you can feel so close to someone who is gone with just some little insignificant reminders.
When we dropped off the car and I met the man who bought it, he was talking about retirement and how 2 of his kids were out of the house now etc...I guess it just reminded me that it was this same stage of life that my father was in when he bought the car. So, I was a little more emotional about letting it go than I expected. My dad really did enjoy it. It was one of the few things he ever did for himself. But I am happy and wish the new owner all the best. Hope he enjoys it as much as dad did.
I got to thinking yesterday that some people must be wondering how we can be so concerned about $ when we owned a BMW! Some of you know, but most of you may not, that I inherited the BMW when my father passed away. I can assure you that at no point in our lives up to this moment have we ever been able to afford a BMW. That was part of our reason for getting rid of it. The maintenance alone on one that we didn't even pay for was more than we could manage. But that is not the point of this blog...
I honestly didn't think that I would have any problem selling my father's old car, but I have to say that it was a little weird. Just before we left, Mike went out to make sure he had it all cleaned out and came in with a few things. Several of these things were my fathers. Nothing important really, just papers with his handwriting and several pieces of the gum that he used to chew. There was a page from his calendar with notes on how to get to an Automotive Museum. My dad was a car man through and through. At the moment it made me a little sad, and I guess there is a little sadness left today, but these memories also make me smile. It is amazing how you can feel so close to someone who is gone with just some little insignificant reminders.
When we dropped off the car and I met the man who bought it, he was talking about retirement and how 2 of his kids were out of the house now etc...I guess it just reminded me that it was this same stage of life that my father was in when he bought the car. So, I was a little more emotional about letting it go than I expected. My dad really did enjoy it. It was one of the few things he ever did for himself. But I am happy and wish the new owner all the best. Hope he enjoys it as much as dad did.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Things
Fun Stuff:
We are selling the BMW! Yahoo! This will give us enough $ to pay off my car so we will have NO car payments (at least for a little while, Mike's car is old and has a lot of miles but it is still going strong. No telling when he'll need a new one though). Also, dropping the insurance for a BMW is pretty significant.
When I called to cancel the BMW insurance, I found out that we qualify for a discount on our other 2 cars through our credit union. Another bonus! AND we will be getting some refund for the BMW because it was paid in full through the end of July.
I found out that I should have no problems getting onto Mike's medical insurance and his employer will pay for both me and the baby. We thought we were going to have to pay out of pocket to add us, but we don't! For the past year I have been paying for my medical insurance through Cobra from my previous employer, but I will be able to stop that next month! Thank you Lord for another financial blessing.
I don't want to give you the impression that we are obsessed with $ or anything...it's just that looking ahead to a future with a baby and hoping to be a stay at home Mom, these are all very positive and exciting things!! God has provided again, just like He always does.
Fun Stuff (not financially related):
My best friend Jamie will be in town (briefly) this weekend and I may get to see her!
I am taking a photography class that starts next week! I know...why did I sign up for a class 7 weeks before my due date!?!? But, this is a completely online class and it will be totally easy and fun. Just the basics. I’m very excited about it. Hopefully, I will learn enough to take some fabulous pics of our new family. It is 6 weeks long, but I will have a “grace period” should the baby decide to come during that time.
Our birth class is next weekend. I’m excited to learn about this experience and hopefully feel a little more prepared. We found out that one of the nurses who works labor and delivery at Providence is in the choir at our church! She offered to come do the class at our house. This is really good for us since Mike’s schedule can be so unpredictable. How very sweet of her.
I am loving the nice weather. Even the spring rain yesterday wasn’t so bad. Kinda refreshing.
Not So Fun Stuff:
I finally got my blood meter to measure my glucose. I have been sticking my finger 4 TIMES a day! The first day my numbers weren’t quite what they should be, but I seem to have gotten the hang of it. The past few days my numbers have been good. I just had to be a little more strict about what I am eating (I thought I could cheat a little since I was just “borderline” but not so). Just a little bit of carbs make a big difference. I can handle 7 weeks of this, especially if it means that my baby is healthier and hopefully SMALLER.
We are selling the BMW! Yahoo! This will give us enough $ to pay off my car so we will have NO car payments (at least for a little while, Mike's car is old and has a lot of miles but it is still going strong. No telling when he'll need a new one though). Also, dropping the insurance for a BMW is pretty significant.
When I called to cancel the BMW insurance, I found out that we qualify for a discount on our other 2 cars through our credit union. Another bonus! AND we will be getting some refund for the BMW because it was paid in full through the end of July.
I found out that I should have no problems getting onto Mike's medical insurance and his employer will pay for both me and the baby. We thought we were going to have to pay out of pocket to add us, but we don't! For the past year I have been paying for my medical insurance through Cobra from my previous employer, but I will be able to stop that next month! Thank you Lord for another financial blessing.
I don't want to give you the impression that we are obsessed with $ or anything...it's just that looking ahead to a future with a baby and hoping to be a stay at home Mom, these are all very positive and exciting things!! God has provided again, just like He always does.
Fun Stuff (not financially related):
My best friend Jamie will be in town (briefly) this weekend and I may get to see her!
I am taking a photography class that starts next week! I know...why did I sign up for a class 7 weeks before my due date!?!? But, this is a completely online class and it will be totally easy and fun. Just the basics. I’m very excited about it. Hopefully, I will learn enough to take some fabulous pics of our new family. It is 6 weeks long, but I will have a “grace period” should the baby decide to come during that time.
Our birth class is next weekend. I’m excited to learn about this experience and hopefully feel a little more prepared. We found out that one of the nurses who works labor and delivery at Providence is in the choir at our church! She offered to come do the class at our house. This is really good for us since Mike’s schedule can be so unpredictable. How very sweet of her.
I am loving the nice weather. Even the spring rain yesterday wasn’t so bad. Kinda refreshing.
Not So Fun Stuff:
I finally got my blood meter to measure my glucose. I have been sticking my finger 4 TIMES a day! The first day my numbers weren’t quite what they should be, but I seem to have gotten the hang of it. The past few days my numbers have been good. I just had to be a little more strict about what I am eating (I thought I could cheat a little since I was just “borderline” but not so). Just a little bit of carbs make a big difference. I can handle 7 weeks of this, especially if it means that my baby is healthier and hopefully SMALLER.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
The Dog House
I am becoming more and more concerned about Bailey and how he is going to react to having the baby around. He is just giving us more and more trouble, and the baby isn't even here yet. He is just so defiant and things have to go exactly his way. I hate to write about this because I don't want to give people the wrong idea about him, but he has shown some signs of aggression. I don't believe by nature that he is an aggressive dog, but he can be pushed to that point. He is becoming more and more unpredictable as to what it is that will push him to that point.
I honestly don't see him acting out with aggression toward the baby. Especially early on when the baby really can't interact with him at all. I honestly just see him continuing to act out toward us with defiance and possibly aggression when we try to control the defiance.
This realization is breaking my heart. We have tried (and will continue at least for now) everything we know to treat this and live in harmony with Bailey. We want him to be a happy and well adjusted dog, but to what extent? I honestly thought I would do ANYTHING it took...even early in the pregnancy, I couldn't imagine "giving up" on him. But I don't want to be stupid about this. I honestly don't want to end up like one of those people on the news whose dog has malled their child and they are like "I had no clue this could happen".
If the signs are there...it is always a possibility. I seriously feel ill everytime I think about it. I can't imagine life without Bailey, but it only takes one mistake. Am I really ready to be on guard 24/7? My heart is broken, and I have literally sobbed over this. I just pray every day that God will give us wisdom when dealing with Bailey, and if we have to make one of the most difficult decisions I can imagine making at this point in my life, that He will give us comfort and peace about it.
I honestly don't see him acting out with aggression toward the baby. Especially early on when the baby really can't interact with him at all. I honestly just see him continuing to act out toward us with defiance and possibly aggression when we try to control the defiance.
This realization is breaking my heart. We have tried (and will continue at least for now) everything we know to treat this and live in harmony with Bailey. We want him to be a happy and well adjusted dog, but to what extent? I honestly thought I would do ANYTHING it took...even early in the pregnancy, I couldn't imagine "giving up" on him. But I don't want to be stupid about this. I honestly don't want to end up like one of those people on the news whose dog has malled their child and they are like "I had no clue this could happen".
If the signs are there...it is always a possibility. I seriously feel ill everytime I think about it. I can't imagine life without Bailey, but it only takes one mistake. Am I really ready to be on guard 24/7? My heart is broken, and I have literally sobbed over this. I just pray every day that God will give us wisdom when dealing with Bailey, and if we have to make one of the most difficult decisions I can imagine making at this point in my life, that He will give us comfort and peace about it.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Time Flies
I seem to be in a reminiscing mood today (hence the baby picture of our now 5 year old dog). People always tell you "time flies" and even when you know it is true it can still be quite surprising. I honestly can't believe that is has been:
almost 31 years since I was born (oops, I mean 29...see what happens when time flies)
15 years since I learned to drive
13 years since I graduated high school
12 years ago that I met Mike
12 years since I started going to NorthRidge (Temple at the time) and God gave me the awesome privilege of serving on the praise team
7 years ago that I graduated College and entered the working world
6 years ago that we got Married
5.5 years ago that Bailey joined the family
3.5 years ago that Bruin joined the family
3 years ago that my best friend moved away
almost 3 years since my father passed away
almost 3 years ago that we decided to try and add children to our family
2 years since we moved into our new home and endured what seemed to be endless construction
1 year ago that those precious Bettinger twins were born 3 months early at a fragile 2 lbs, so unsure of what the future would hold (and so many other friends blessed with the birth of their children!)
1 year ago that I left my job and was blessed to work with Parker and Lori
almost 8 months since God saw fit to bless us with a pregnancy!
It is amazing how things can feel like they happened just yesterday, and an eternity ago all at the same time. As consumed as I was with so many of these stages in my life, I often feel now like they were just mere moments in time.
I have to admit that this makes me a little sad looking into the future. Everyone says to enjoy your time with your children because it goes by so fast! I know this is true, and I want to strive to make the most of every moment...I really do. Not just with my child(ren), but in my marriage and in every area of my life. We have been so blessed thus far. I pray that the memory of those blessings will inspire us to focus on what is most important and create many more great memories.
almost 31 years since I was born (oops, I mean 29...see what happens when time flies)
15 years since I learned to drive
13 years since I graduated high school
12 years ago that I met Mike
12 years since I started going to NorthRidge (Temple at the time) and God gave me the awesome privilege of serving on the praise team
7 years ago that I graduated College and entered the working world
6 years ago that we got Married
5.5 years ago that Bailey joined the family
3.5 years ago that Bruin joined the family
3 years ago that my best friend moved away
almost 3 years since my father passed away
almost 3 years ago that we decided to try and add children to our family
2 years since we moved into our new home and endured what seemed to be endless construction
1 year ago that those precious Bettinger twins were born 3 months early at a fragile 2 lbs, so unsure of what the future would hold (and so many other friends blessed with the birth of their children!)
1 year ago that I left my job and was blessed to work with Parker and Lori
almost 8 months since God saw fit to bless us with a pregnancy!
It is amazing how things can feel like they happened just yesterday, and an eternity ago all at the same time. As consumed as I was with so many of these stages in my life, I often feel now like they were just mere moments in time.
I have to admit that this makes me a little sad looking into the future. Everyone says to enjoy your time with your children because it goes by so fast! I know this is true, and I want to strive to make the most of every moment...I really do. Not just with my child(ren), but in my marriage and in every area of my life. We have been so blessed thus far. I pray that the memory of those blessings will inspire us to focus on what is most important and create many more great memories.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Borderline
Borderline. That's the term they use when you fail your glucose tolerence test by 1 point. It means that I don't really have gestational diabetes, but my numbers were not normal either. So what do I have? Glucose Intolerence.
C'mon...I mean...ONE point. Unfortunately, it is what it is...I "failed" the test and they treat glucose intolerence the same way as gestational diabetes (so why bother to distinquish them...I'm not sure). But anyhoo...I have to go and see a diabetic nutrition consultant and check my blood sugar every day with a glucometer. (Yep...the fingerstick...fabulous.)
I was given the option of taking the 3 hour glucose test again, but I opted out of that seeing as I almost passed out several times during the first hour of the test and felt like a truck had run over me for pretty much the remainder of the day. Yea, I'd rather prick my finger everyday for the next 80 days or so. No problem. And, I will possibly have to make some adjustments to what I eat...but to be honest...I have always watched what I eat...so I'll be interested to see what I will be able to change! (I'm sure there is always room for change).
So, this is a minor inconvenience at the least. I'm obviously ready and willing to do what I need to, to keep this little boy healthy and strong. I hope he appreciates all this!
C'mon...I mean...ONE point. Unfortunately, it is what it is...I "failed" the test and they treat glucose intolerence the same way as gestational diabetes (so why bother to distinquish them...I'm not sure). But anyhoo...I have to go and see a diabetic nutrition consultant and check my blood sugar every day with a glucometer. (Yep...the fingerstick...fabulous.)
I was given the option of taking the 3 hour glucose test again, but I opted out of that seeing as I almost passed out several times during the first hour of the test and felt like a truck had run over me for pretty much the remainder of the day. Yea, I'd rather prick my finger everyday for the next 80 days or so. No problem. And, I will possibly have to make some adjustments to what I eat...but to be honest...I have always watched what I eat...so I'll be interested to see what I will be able to change! (I'm sure there is always room for change).
So, this is a minor inconvenience at the least. I'm obviously ready and willing to do what I need to, to keep this little boy healthy and strong. I hope he appreciates all this!
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
The Next Phase
I've been wondering a lot lately what my life is going to look like 6 months from now, a year from now, even 10 years from now. I can say that I am mostly excited about looking ahead, but naturally I have some reservations too.
There have been many times in my life I have found myself looking ahead, wondering what the "next phase" would be like. Sometimes it came just as I expected, other times it hit me like a semi truck. Often the journey that led me to the place I would end was not at all what I expected. I can say that each time I have faced the next phase of life, whether I faced it with excitement or total fear, God completely and totally took care of me.
My devotion today was about "teachability".
Beloved, let's work on having a more teachable spirit. God often wants to do "a new thing" in our lives, but we resist Him (see Isa. 43:18-19).
18 "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
19 See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland".
When we are proud, rebellious, and insist on our own way, the chances are good He'll use a donkey in our lives to get through to us! Unlikely teachers have a two-fold purpose: to bring humility and instruction. Often we will learn no other way. (Second Peter 2:15-16). Sometimes we don't mind something new, we just don't like the vehicle God's using to drive us to that new place. A precious part of teachability is being willing and anxious to learn, regardless of who He chooses as our unlikely teacher.
How many times have I found myself in the middle of a "new thing" completely freaked out and ready to run the other way. God has certainly used plenty of "donkeys" in my life to get my attention and get me back on track. I want to face this next phase of life with courage, excitement, and a desire to learn instead of fear, bewilderment, and a desire to run the other way. I want to look expectedly to Him instead of getting hit by the semi (or the donkey).
Thankfully, HE will help me.
There have been many times in my life I have found myself looking ahead, wondering what the "next phase" would be like. Sometimes it came just as I expected, other times it hit me like a semi truck. Often the journey that led me to the place I would end was not at all what I expected. I can say that each time I have faced the next phase of life, whether I faced it with excitement or total fear, God completely and totally took care of me.
My devotion today was about "teachability".
Beloved, let's work on having a more teachable spirit. God often wants to do "a new thing" in our lives, but we resist Him (see Isa. 43:18-19).
18 "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
19 See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland".
When we are proud, rebellious, and insist on our own way, the chances are good He'll use a donkey in our lives to get through to us! Unlikely teachers have a two-fold purpose: to bring humility and instruction. Often we will learn no other way. (Second Peter 2:15-16). Sometimes we don't mind something new, we just don't like the vehicle God's using to drive us to that new place. A precious part of teachability is being willing and anxious to learn, regardless of who He chooses as our unlikely teacher.
How many times have I found myself in the middle of a "new thing" completely freaked out and ready to run the other way. God has certainly used plenty of "donkeys" in my life to get my attention and get me back on track. I want to face this next phase of life with courage, excitement, and a desire to learn instead of fear, bewilderment, and a desire to run the other way. I want to look expectedly to Him instead of getting hit by the semi (or the donkey).
Thankfully, HE will help me.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Sunshine????
Yep. SUNSHINE....HERE WE COME!!
I was watching T.V. the other day and I was introduced to the concept of a "Babymoon". These are vacations that expectant couples take sometime prior to the arrival of their baby.
Why not? We haven't been on a vacation, just the two of us, in quite awhile. I got to thinking that even with the best intentions, this is likely our last chance for a little while to get away together...just the two of us.
I was given the okay by my doctor at my last appointment...So, we did it! Last night we booked our all inclusive trip to Jamaica! Neither of us has ever been there before and we are both really excited. I am also just a little bit nervous...I usually am a little on edge about flying, but even more so now with another passenger "on board". The excitement certainly over rides my fears, but I could use a little prayer to stay calm and relaxed.
We both really need this vacation and I am so glad that God has given us this opportunity to spend time alone, together, in the SUN!!!
I was watching T.V. the other day and I was introduced to the concept of a "Babymoon". These are vacations that expectant couples take sometime prior to the arrival of their baby.
Why not? We haven't been on a vacation, just the two of us, in quite awhile. I got to thinking that even with the best intentions, this is likely our last chance for a little while to get away together...just the two of us.
I was given the okay by my doctor at my last appointment...So, we did it! Last night we booked our all inclusive trip to Jamaica! Neither of us has ever been there before and we are both really excited. I am also just a little bit nervous...I usually am a little on edge about flying, but even more so now with another passenger "on board". The excitement certainly over rides my fears, but I could use a little prayer to stay calm and relaxed.
We both really need this vacation and I am so glad that God has given us this opportunity to spend time alone, together, in the SUN!!!
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Victory
In service last night we were challenged to think on the things in this world that have broken our hearts...the heart that God originally created to be "Like His". So often I'm left feeling like things are completely out of control and I have to figure everything out. I, (like all of us) have been disappointed in life which has led to a lack of trust, and a selfishness in my desperate attempts to take care of myself. I've faced fears of rejection and inadequacy that has led to even more selfishness and a desperate striving for approval. I have experienced failures in life that had led to a hopeless feeling that things cannot change for me. These are just a few...I'm sure there are more.
Then in my daily devotional for today I ran across Ps 21:1 - 2. How exciting to know that I can rejoice in the strength that the Lord gives and have great joy in the victories that He provides! Father please grant my desire to be free from the strongholds in my life. Do not withhold this request from my lips.
When I am feeling like I can't battle this stronghold (whatever it is...) This can be my prayer:
O Lord, I rejoice in your strength. How great is my joy in the victories you give!
You have granted me the desire of my heart and have not withheld the request of my lips.
You welcomed me with rich blessing and placed a crown of pure gold on my head.
I asked you for life, and you gave it to me - length of day for ever and ever.
Through the victories you gave, my glory is great; you have bestowed on me splendor and majesty.
Surely you have granted me eternal blessings and made me glad with the joy of your presence.
For I trust in the Lord; through the unfailing love of the Most High I will not be shaken.
Be exalted, O Lord, in your strength; I will sing and praise your might.
Adapted from Psalm 21: 1- 7, 13.
Then in my daily devotional for today I ran across Ps 21:1 - 2. How exciting to know that I can rejoice in the strength that the Lord gives and have great joy in the victories that He provides! Father please grant my desire to be free from the strongholds in my life. Do not withhold this request from my lips.
When I am feeling like I can't battle this stronghold (whatever it is...) This can be my prayer:
O Lord, I rejoice in your strength. How great is my joy in the victories you give!
You have granted me the desire of my heart and have not withheld the request of my lips.
You welcomed me with rich blessing and placed a crown of pure gold on my head.
I asked you for life, and you gave it to me - length of day for ever and ever.
Through the victories you gave, my glory is great; you have bestowed on me splendor and majesty.
Surely you have granted me eternal blessings and made me glad with the joy of your presence.
For I trust in the Lord; through the unfailing love of the Most High I will not be shaken.
Be exalted, O Lord, in your strength; I will sing and praise your might.
Adapted from Psalm 21: 1- 7, 13.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
On the Move
I am pretty sure (as sure as I can be for a first time pregnancy) that I am feeling the baby moving around. It feels kinda like when your muscle has an involuntary "twitch". I wish I could know for sure, but I am just going to pretend that is what it is and be excited about it! :)
My back and hips are starting to ache from time to time. If I don't change positions frequently it gets worse. I have been trying to get up and move around. Thanks to Mike and Stewart, my treadmill is back in the house and I have been walking almost every day since (only missed one). I am a little hesitant because it seems impossible to keep my heart rate under 140bpm (which is what the standard is, I guess) but I don't feel like I am overdoing it at all. It feels good to be somewhat active again...so I'm just gonna stick with it and make sure I take it easy if I have any signs of discomfort.
I have also been able to get a few more things done around the house. I have learned to do little bits at a time and take short rests in between. It seems to be working well and it makes me feel so much better physically and mentally. I have decided to spend some of my resting time reading and praying rather than just sitting in front of the T.V. which is also making me feel 10 times more productive and much less like a slug.
Only 5 days (counting today) until my Ultrasound!!!
My back and hips are starting to ache from time to time. If I don't change positions frequently it gets worse. I have been trying to get up and move around. Thanks to Mike and Stewart, my treadmill is back in the house and I have been walking almost every day since (only missed one). I am a little hesitant because it seems impossible to keep my heart rate under 140bpm (which is what the standard is, I guess) but I don't feel like I am overdoing it at all. It feels good to be somewhat active again...so I'm just gonna stick with it and make sure I take it easy if I have any signs of discomfort.
I have also been able to get a few more things done around the house. I have learned to do little bits at a time and take short rests in between. It seems to be working well and it makes me feel so much better physically and mentally. I have decided to spend some of my resting time reading and praying rather than just sitting in front of the T.V. which is also making me feel 10 times more productive and much less like a slug.
Only 5 days (counting today) until my Ultrasound!!!
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
My Cross
Matthew 10: 37 - 39
"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."
This verse just has me thinking about so many things today. It seems like everyone is so consumed with their "rights" and what is "fair" (myself included), and very few are actually willing to "lose" their lives as this verse advises.
It frustrates me sometimes that I can so easily fall into a sense of hopelessness and despair when life takes a turn that I wasn't expecting. As if I have the right to orchestrate what should happen and how things should turn out. Isn't life itself a gift that I should be thankful for? Why do I always assume that I have control over it and would even do a decent job at planning a fruitful and happy outcome?
This is a warning against that very state of mind. My only priority should be taking up my cross and following Him. He takes care of all the rest. Taking up your cross...what does that really mean? To me it means that I need to submit. Submit to whatever it is that God has called me to do. Is this always going to be within my "rights" or will it always qualify as something that is "fair"? I would think not, but God isn't calling me to live a life that I want, full of my own plans and expectations...but to "lose" that life and submit to Him, follow Him, give complete control to Him. What He promises to those who do...that we will find LIFE.
So, as I sit around frustrated and upset about my lot in life...trying to control the things that seem to be "unfair" or outside my expectations...I hope I can remember that my only focus should be to follow Christ. To pick up my cross and through Him find the LIFE that I am so desperate for. Carrying that cross with Him has to be easier than trying to figure this all out on my own.
"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."
This verse just has me thinking about so many things today. It seems like everyone is so consumed with their "rights" and what is "fair" (myself included), and very few are actually willing to "lose" their lives as this verse advises.
It frustrates me sometimes that I can so easily fall into a sense of hopelessness and despair when life takes a turn that I wasn't expecting. As if I have the right to orchestrate what should happen and how things should turn out. Isn't life itself a gift that I should be thankful for? Why do I always assume that I have control over it and would even do a decent job at planning a fruitful and happy outcome?
This is a warning against that very state of mind. My only priority should be taking up my cross and following Him. He takes care of all the rest. Taking up your cross...what does that really mean? To me it means that I need to submit. Submit to whatever it is that God has called me to do. Is this always going to be within my "rights" or will it always qualify as something that is "fair"? I would think not, but God isn't calling me to live a life that I want, full of my own plans and expectations...but to "lose" that life and submit to Him, follow Him, give complete control to Him. What He promises to those who do...that we will find LIFE.
So, as I sit around frustrated and upset about my lot in life...trying to control the things that seem to be "unfair" or outside my expectations...I hope I can remember that my only focus should be to follow Christ. To pick up my cross and through Him find the LIFE that I am so desperate for. Carrying that cross with Him has to be easier than trying to figure this all out on my own.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Milestones
Well my appointment yesterday went really well. I was relieved to hear a good strong heart beat again. 153 bpm. I was a little worried that being so sick could've been hard on the baby, but everything seems to be going okay so far.
First milestone...we scheduled my ultrasound appointment. It will be Monday, Jan 29th at 11:00am. Hopefully, if all goes well and the little one cooperates...we will find out if we are having a boy or a girl!
Second milestone...I've gained 8 pounds. Of course I know it is what I need to do, and I have a long way to go with many more pounds to put on, but I'm not going to pretend to be overly excited about it.
Third milestone...I wore my first pair of maternity pants today! I still have a few pairs of my regular jeans/pants that I can fit into...but some of them I can't button anymore and that is just becoming a hassle. So, I guess I've hit that "in between" phase. My normal clothes are getting uncomfortable and maternity clothes are still a little too big...but comfortable...so I'm gonna go with it! There is a maternity and children's resale shop down the street from my work. I bought a few things yesterday and a few other things online. My friend Stacy has given me some things too! Thank heavens for that. I hate to spend a lot of money on maternity stuff, but hopefully I will get to wear it again...at least once.
I just realized after my blog yesterday, that I have some things for my journal right here in my blog! Updating all of you has actually kept me more on track than I thought. So...more to come!!!
First milestone...we scheduled my ultrasound appointment. It will be Monday, Jan 29th at 11:00am. Hopefully, if all goes well and the little one cooperates...we will find out if we are having a boy or a girl!
Second milestone...I've gained 8 pounds. Of course I know it is what I need to do, and I have a long way to go with many more pounds to put on, but I'm not going to pretend to be overly excited about it.
Third milestone...I wore my first pair of maternity pants today! I still have a few pairs of my regular jeans/pants that I can fit into...but some of them I can't button anymore and that is just becoming a hassle. So, I guess I've hit that "in between" phase. My normal clothes are getting uncomfortable and maternity clothes are still a little too big...but comfortable...so I'm gonna go with it! There is a maternity and children's resale shop down the street from my work. I bought a few things yesterday and a few other things online. My friend Stacy has given me some things too! Thank heavens for that. I hate to spend a lot of money on maternity stuff, but hopefully I will get to wear it again...at least once.
I just realized after my blog yesterday, that I have some things for my journal right here in my blog! Updating all of you has actually kept me more on track than I thought. So...more to come!!!
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Good Intentions
I have all these goals, hopes, plans, dreams etc...
Some are big and some are simple, but right now they are all lost in the world of good intentions. I have felt like such a slug lately. I have not done anything but lay on the couch and wash a few dishes and clothes every now and then (not nearly as much as I should be). I guess I could give myself a little slack since I am making a baby here and I managed to survive the 1st trimester not to mention one of the worst viruses I have ever encountered...but none the less...this is not like me. It is just weird to not be "doing", "accomplishing", or "crossing things off the list".
I dreamed of the days I would be pregnant for so long...I thought I would have so much to say and do. I wanted to journal the entire experience, scrapbook every moment, research every child rearing related topic I could...and yet here I am 2 journals (virtually empty), a handful of belly pics on the computer (not any worth scrapbooking), and my mother doing research on childhood vaccinations for me.
I know there is still time...I mean, the baby won't be here until late June and once we find out what it is...I'm sure we'll have lots of planning & shopping etc...to be involved in...but I just feel like there is not enough time to do everything I wanted to do. I have already lost 3 months of this experience! If I continue like this I'll never be "ready" for this kid.
I hope that 2nd trimester energy I've heard about kicks in soon!!!
Some are big and some are simple, but right now they are all lost in the world of good intentions. I have felt like such a slug lately. I have not done anything but lay on the couch and wash a few dishes and clothes every now and then (not nearly as much as I should be). I guess I could give myself a little slack since I am making a baby here and I managed to survive the 1st trimester not to mention one of the worst viruses I have ever encountered...but none the less...this is not like me. It is just weird to not be "doing", "accomplishing", or "crossing things off the list".
I dreamed of the days I would be pregnant for so long...I thought I would have so much to say and do. I wanted to journal the entire experience, scrapbook every moment, research every child rearing related topic I could...and yet here I am 2 journals (virtually empty), a handful of belly pics on the computer (not any worth scrapbooking), and my mother doing research on childhood vaccinations for me.
I know there is still time...I mean, the baby won't be here until late June and once we find out what it is...I'm sure we'll have lots of planning & shopping etc...to be involved in...but I just feel like there is not enough time to do everything I wanted to do. I have already lost 3 months of this experience! If I continue like this I'll never be "ready" for this kid.
I hope that 2nd trimester energy I've heard about kicks in soon!!!
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Mending
Well, I think I am finally on the mend from this horrible virus I caught. It seems like it really got a lot of people this time around. Maybe we'll find out what we all had was actually the plague of 2006.
Shortly after my last post, my cough got much worse. I was up all night, for many nights in a row coughing uncontrollably. Just to make matters worse, I ended up pulling a muscle in between my ribs during one of my cough attacks. Nice. So now on top of congestion, screaming facial pain, a cough that won't quit, and a fever...I had added excruciating pain whenever I would breathe, cough, sneeze or laugh (although I wasn't doing much laughing at the time).
It turns out I did end up with a sinus infection, so I finally got some antibiotics that helped me kick this nastiness. My main problem now is this pulled muscle between my ribs. My congestion has broken up, but unfortunately that causes me to cough quite a bit (not nearly as much, thank heavens) and that is still quite painful for me.
Mike was lucky enough to catch the plague from me, so he is recovering now as well. We both still felt pretty bad on New Years Eve, so we decided to stay home. It was actually kinda nice. We had a chance to just sit on the couch together and talk for hours. We don't do that often enough. I expected to be asleep by 9pm, but we talked so long we got to see the ball drop! Even though we didn't feel so hot, I'm really glad we got to spend this time together. Hopefully we'll make a point to do this more often.
At least now I can see light at the end of this tunnel. I have felt a little better each day for the last few days. I am getting better sleep and I'm sure my sore, beaten up body will recover fairly soon. I have been a little worried about the baby through all of this. It was just such an ordeal for my body...I can't imagine what the little bean went through. I have an appointment next week...hopefully everything will be okay.
I hope you all are doing well...take your vitamins and wash your hands!!!
Shortly after my last post, my cough got much worse. I was up all night, for many nights in a row coughing uncontrollably. Just to make matters worse, I ended up pulling a muscle in between my ribs during one of my cough attacks. Nice. So now on top of congestion, screaming facial pain, a cough that won't quit, and a fever...I had added excruciating pain whenever I would breathe, cough, sneeze or laugh (although I wasn't doing much laughing at the time).
It turns out I did end up with a sinus infection, so I finally got some antibiotics that helped me kick this nastiness. My main problem now is this pulled muscle between my ribs. My congestion has broken up, but unfortunately that causes me to cough quite a bit (not nearly as much, thank heavens) and that is still quite painful for me.
Mike was lucky enough to catch the plague from me, so he is recovering now as well. We both still felt pretty bad on New Years Eve, so we decided to stay home. It was actually kinda nice. We had a chance to just sit on the couch together and talk for hours. We don't do that often enough. I expected to be asleep by 9pm, but we talked so long we got to see the ball drop! Even though we didn't feel so hot, I'm really glad we got to spend this time together. Hopefully we'll make a point to do this more often.
At least now I can see light at the end of this tunnel. I have felt a little better each day for the last few days. I am getting better sleep and I'm sure my sore, beaten up body will recover fairly soon. I have been a little worried about the baby through all of this. It was just such an ordeal for my body...I can't imagine what the little bean went through. I have an appointment next week...hopefully everything will be okay.
I hope you all are doing well...take your vitamins and wash your hands!!!
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