Honest

Lyrics by Audrey Assad.

http://www.myspace.com/audreyassadsings

i'm not afraid to be honest with You today
the only thing i'm sure of is You
i never knew about grace
before You called my name
before You touched my face with Your hand

even when i'm falling, confused, and i'm frightened
and my faith is afraid to be real

You, You know me; help me to want You, help me to want You
You, You know me; help me to love You, help me to love You

i'm not alone in this fight, but i still want to run
You are the rock i say i stand on
i never knew about love
before Your healing touch
You always hold that open door

even when i'm angry, i'm hurt, and i'm broken,
won't You help me to fall on my knees?

You, You know me; help me to want You, help me to want You
You, You know me; help me to love You, help me to love You

Really?

I've noticed whenever I am "going through" something, I often feel like I am the only one going through it. I have days when I feel like no one could possibly understand, there is no way that I'll ever get through it and I often wonder why I have to.

I'm finding that I'm wrong. There are other people out there having similar experiences to mine. I'm also finding out that I have actually been an encouragement to some of these people. That is totally crazy to me! I feel like I often don't handle the "stuff" in life very well. Just when I'm feeling like I'm totally selfish, impatient, ungodly, ungrateful, unfaithful, confused and weak...I get an email or a letter from someone who says that I am an encouragement to them! That they admire my faithfulness and strength, and that I have handled myself so well through the "things" I happen to have faced in this life.

I think...What? Me? You can't be serious. I was just wondering why on earth God would ever trust me to be able to handle these things. Why would He think that I could remain faithful and be a godly example in the face of earthly trials. My flesh is so battered and weak...you picked the wrong gal this time God.

Thankfully, so far anyway...God has a way of bringing things back into perspective. I'm sharing this to say that this is obviously NOT me, but Him. He brings me back to a place of peace, thankfulness, faithfulness, godliness, strength, and joy. I still cannot fathom why He chooses to use me as an example for others, but I'm so thankful He does.

It doesn't end there...not only have I realized there are people going through the same things I am...but I have found that there are people going through MY "things" WITH ME! I have so many people lifting me up and supporting me. Praying for me and loving me. I am amazed by it really. I couldn't be used by God for anything, without the people He has placed in my life to help me through. Some of these people come and go, they may be there just for a moment, with a word of encouragement at just the right time. I may not even know them! Many of them are dear close friends. There for me at any and all times. All of them are a gift from God, and His way of letting me know that I am doing okay.

So, I do have my moments...but overall I can honestly say that I am thankful for the "things" in this life and I am excited about the opportunity to glorify God through it all (even if I do need LOTS of help to do it).

Looking Forward

I feel like it has been awhile since my last blog. 9 days...I guess that's a bit of a stretch. Isn't it funny how sometimes the words just come to you and you could write for hours, but other times...the well is dry. I'm not sure if my well is really dry...I think it is more like overflowing and I just can't get a grasp on all my thoughts and what I want to share.

There are so many things coming up that I am so excited about.

Fall, is arriving! My favorite season. Carmel Apple Cider at Starbucks (or Caribou)...yum.

I have SO many scheduled dates with friends - Some I haven't seen in years! Some are new friends I am getting better aquainted with, and others are close friends that I regularly make a point to spend time with (thankfully that list is growing!). Coffee dates, Scrapbook dates, Dinner dates, Tiger Games, Parties! I just can't wait!

Choir has started again and our Glory of Christmas Concert is just around the corner. I just love this time with the Choir! We always meet new people and get to spend lots of time with people we've known for years. I really feel like it is one big family and it is so fun to go through this together.

Hockey season! I love Hockey and so does Mike. I love watching it with him or getting together with friends. And of course, I do love Nicklas Lidstom...Captain...that's right...Captain of the Detroit Red Wings. Go Wings!

The Holidays. I see more family, friends, drink more coffee or warm cozy drinks, cook more, build fires in the fireplace, decorate the house, SHOP more!, listen to holiday music, cuddle with the dogs (they are not outside as much in the colder months - less escape probability = less impatience with them = more cuddle time!), and let's not forget the annual family Christmas picture! It is all so fun.

Lately, I've been focused so much on the things I don't like waiting for...it is just refreshing to look forward to all the things I am excitedly waiting for. :) I'm learning that the things I do while I'm waiting on God do not change His plan, they just determine how I feel while I'm waiting. I'm trying to choose to wait expectantly and excitedly instead of waiting impatiently and like a victim.

Unbelieveable

I honestly can't believe this has happened...I'm not sure why, because it is just par for the course...just when we thought we may have finally outsmarted him...he did it...again.

Those of you who know us, know exactly what I'm talking about. If you don't, you can check out the first story called "this is for the dogs" about our dog Bailey and his shenanigans.

Since the first time Bailey destroyed our fence we spent $600 for repairs to the gate and to install a second fence (chain link) behind the vinyl fence. The intention was to keep him from getting close enough to the vinyl fence to chew it. Well, it didn't work.

First, he learned to lift the latch on the chain link fence. Easy enough...we put a lock on it. That worked for a few days, but then he started digging under the chain fence. No problem, he's a digger...we should've known...so we burried our brick pavers again along the fence line, so he couldn't dig. (I'm sure home depot is expecting us to buy stock in brick pavers, between this house and the last one...this is the third time we have had to buy several of them to deter digging). Good, problem solved.

Oh no, not good enough. Bailey has discovered a weak spot in the chain link fence. He pushed against it just enough to get it away from the brick pavers so he could dig a hole on the other side...thus escaping the dog run and chewing the newly repaired vinyl gate to pieces....AGAIN!

So, what now? Back to home depot to get MORE pavers, dirt and gravel to put on the other side of the fence and something to steak the bottom of the fence into the ground so he can't move it.

Seriously...he is a dog. How on earth is he learning these things? I can't for the life of me figure out why he lives to make us miserable. I know most people would've gotten rid of him long ago. Maybe we should have...but I just can't do it. Every time I even consider it, I lose it completely. What is it that makes me so willing to tolerate this nonsense and throw away tons of $$$ on this DOG?

I guess it's love. This must be how parents feel about thier kids. Even when they completely break your heart...they still have a place in it.