Nutter Butter Pumpkin Muffin

Just one of the many names for my cute little chow shepherd mix named Bruin.

He's managed to have some kind of crazy allergic reaction to something.
Look at this!

A face only a mother could love.

My poor baby. He is on steroids to see if that will clear it up. If not, he may actually have some kind of auto immune disease and that would not be good.

(But the vet did seem pretty certain that it was an allergy. He didn't seem to think it was really auto immune, that's just a possibility if it turns out not to be an allergy).

Anyway, I am not going to be over dramatic about this as I so often can be.

I'm sure he will be fine. He's just the sweetest thing, isn't he? Awe.

Misunderstood

A funny thing happened yesterday.
See, when I started this blog stuff, I just assumed that no one would really be that interested in anything that I would have to say. Initially, I didn't even tell anyone except a few friends of mine who actually have blogs on this site. Then yesterday, I decided to share some verses to try and uplift people during a very sad time. So, I put myself out there and wrote my blog address on Ed's website so people could come check it out. I guess I was wrong about people not being interested in my blog...I got a very interesting message. Actually, it broke my heart.

You can read it for yourself, it is posted on yesterdays message as the third comment along with my reply (the next comment).

To give you some background, I serve in the music ministry on the Praise Team at NorthRidge (I'm going to assume most of you knew that already). Just in case any of you have ever felt the way this person does about me or anyone else on praise team, let me just share my heart with you. I consider it an honor and a priviledge to serve the Lord in this way. I do love to sing, but by no means do I consider myself elite or better than anyone because I happen to be called to serve in this way. To be honest with you, I am continually surprised and humbled that the Lord DOES use me in this way. I know that I have a big responsibility to have integrity and uphold a righteous and selfless character, otherwise it would not be right for me to be in a place leading others in worship. I will say however, that I am human, and I will make the same mistakes as anyone else. Thank God that the Lord forgives, right? If I have knowingly offended or upset someone in anyway, I do what I can to make it right. I try very hard to protect my relationships, from my closest friend to my acquaintances.

The problem is I guess sometimes we unknowingly do things that offend or upset other people. Because I am human, perhaps I have truly given this person a reason to be upset with me, but if I have, I honestly was not aware of it. My feeling is that really I have just been misunderstood. Put into a group, a stereotype of sorts, and fell victim to a sad accusation. What hurt the most is the idea that I may be serving in a way that is not pleasing to the Lord (i.e. being one way "on stage" and another way "off stage"). I can assure you that to the best of my ability, what you see is what you get. I try and try every day to be the person that God wants me to be. On stage or not. Hopefully, I have been somewhat successful.

I already explained the closeness of the relationships between praise team members on my reply. Any of you who serve in any ministry know that you build a strong connection with the others that serve in that ministry with you. You HAVE to. You all experience the same things and need that support from eachother to get you through. No one understands the challenges of ministry like those involved in it with you. I do not apologize for the close relationships I have within the praise team. They are all very special to me and they have helped me through many difficult times. Please don't make that into something it is not. It is not by any means exclusive. I have just as many, actually more, close friends that have never even been on the stage (ok, that's an exaggeration...most of them have probably set foot on it at one time or another), but my point is I have friends from all areas and all walks of life and each one of them holds a special place in my heart. So, please don't label me as exclusive. I work very hard not to be. However, if any of you have felt differently...please let me know! There must be something I can do better if that is the case.

Bottom line, praise team is a ministry, not a social or elite club, not a contest or a way to super stardom. I have never felt any other way about it. We all have relationships that are closer than others. That is the way life goes. Sure there are people that I would love to be closer to, but for whatever reason, life does not allow that right now. I struggle at times to keep my close relationships nurtured and vibrant. My very best friend, Jamie, moved 2 years ago to South Carolina and I would give anything to be able to spend more time with her. If we all had so many acquaintances and no close friends, where would we be? The Lord brings people in and out of our lives for various reasons. He also allows some to be close friends and some to be aquaintances. He uses them all in our lives, even the friends and aquaintances that hurt us. We all need to come to a place where we accept what the Lord brings in and out of our lives and not always take it personally. Everyone wants to do good and everyone wants close relationships. My challenge to everyone is, try to show a little grace to those you don't really know before you make an assumption about them. What would happen if we all assumed the best of people instead of the worst? If you are truly given reason to think something ill of someone, please talk to them and clear it up. Chances are it is simply a misunderstanding.

Truth

I just don't even know where to begin. Ed Horn, a friend of ours from church, passed away yesterday afternoon. The Horn family has been sharing their experience with us since October 2005 when Ed was first diagnosed with cancer at the age of 29.

29. Who would've ever dreamed they would have to endure so much by the age of 30. Life, so short and so fragile. Times like these certainly remind us not to take life for granted. Through the Horns journey, thousands and thousands of people have shared thoughts through posts on the website. So many of them sharing similar experiences, yet full of wisdom and hope. Sharing scriptures and songs filled with the truths and promises of God. I often struggled for the right words to share with the family, wishing that I had hidden his word in my heart a little better. Wanting desperately to pull from one of the many scriptures or songs committed to my memory, but nothing could come to mind. Too many thoughts, too many questions.

Sharing this experience with Kelley takes my back to my own experience with loss. My father. He passed away 2 years ago this August. As Scott mentioned in his blog...there are so many people that are far more deserving of life. When we lose them, it makes us question. Why would God take them from us, from the people who love them, those who need them the most. I am so glad for the people God puts in our lives to support us during those times. People that help you cling to the truth during your times of doubt. Thankfully God is flooding Kelley and her family with that kind of support.

The following is lengthy, but well worth it if you have the time. I read through the postings over the last few days and jotted down some of the scriptures and songs that people are sharing. We could all use a little TRUTH, during these and other difficult times.

For the sake of time, I will only share one of the songs that my close friend Carrie Bettinger remembered sharing with Ed.
His strength is perfect when our strength is gone. He'll carry us when we can't carry on. Raised in His power, the weak become strong. His strength is perfect, His strength is perfect. We can only know the power that He holds, when we truly see how deep our weakness goes. His strength in us begins, Where ours comes to an end. He hears our humble cry and proves again. His strength is perfect when our strength is gone. He'll carry us when we can't carry on. Raised in His power, the weak become strong. His strength is perfect, His strength is perfect.

Ps 29:11
The LORD will give strength to His people; The LORD will bless His people with peace.

Is 26:3-4
You will keep in perfect peace, him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.
Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.

Jn 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

2 Cor 5:1-2
Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling.

1 Jn 3:2
Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.

Mt 11:28-29
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

2 Cor 1:3-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

Num 6:24-26
The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.

Ps 16:11
You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Prov 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

1 Pet 1:13
Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.

Lam 3:18-25
So I say, "My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the LORD. I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him. The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him.

Ps 116:15
Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints.

Phil 3:20 - 4:1
But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.
Therefore, my brothers, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, that is how you should stand firm in the Lord, dear friends!

2 Cor 4:7-8
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair.

2 Cor 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

1 Thes 4:13-14, 16-18
Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.

Heb 4:14-16
Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Ps 118:6
The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?

Ps 22:8
He trusts in the LORD; let the LORD rescue him. Let him deliver him, since he delights in him.

Ps 136:1
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good. His love endures forever.

Is 41:13
For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Rom 5:1-5
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Ps 143:1,8,10.
O LORD, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.

Ps 28:7
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

Rev 4:15-17
...they are before the throne of God and serve him day and night in his temple; and he who sits on the throne will spread his tent over them. Never again will they hunger; never again will they thirst. The sun will not beat upon them, nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.

Ps 34:18
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Pictures!

Thanks to Scott, now I can post some pics for you! These will help give you visual ties to my story from yesteday. How can something so cute cause so much trouble!?

The Offender
Bailey
AKA - The Evil One

The Crime

Bailey's brother Bruin.
AKA - The Good One

This is for the dogs...

It is harder than I thought to keep up with this blog stuff! Part of the problem is my husband is a computer hog. He's always on when I actually have the chance to sit down and write something worth reading. We're still learning how to share...kidding!

What I happen to be thinking about today are my dogs. How can something you love SO much also drive you so absolutely insane! We have 2 dogs, Bailey a 4 year old male Malamute/Lab mix and Bruin a 2 year old male Chow/Shepherd mix. Bruin is just the sweetest dog I have ever had. Bailey...is not.

I should've known when we went to pick up Bailey from a friend of mine at work when he was 8 weeks old. Out of a litter of 4 he was independent, bossy, and anti-social (he hasn't changed much). Things you overlook when you are staring the wide eyes of an 8 week old puppy. He was just so CUTE! We got him home, he never wanted to be held and if you came to rest anywhere near him, he got up and moved away. He was my "project", I was determined to mold him into the model "man's best friend". I had visions of strolling down the street with Bailey by my side, stopping at starbucks to read the paper with a coffee in hand...Bailey lying at my feet.

4 years later...he does not stroll, and he would never lie by my feet at starbucks! He's big, loud, & obnoxious. He's eaten a bar of soap, destroyed a couch, and stolen our dinner on more than one occasion. I could write a book about Bailey and his shenanigans. There is a book, I can't remember what it is called, but it is supposed to be about life with the worlds worst dog. Well, they obviously haven't met Bailey. His latest antics involve completely destroying a vinyl fence and roaming free through out the neighborhood. The first time he actually opened our front door and made himself comfortable in the house! The second time he ransacked the neighbors garbage and the third time he scared a 7 year old speechless. (he didn't hurt him at all, just scared him).

It's not for lack of trying. Bailey and I went to every obedience class he could go to. He is SO smart. He learned every command and every trick. He can do them all quite well...when he wants to. People ask me why we still have Bailey, and sometimes I have to admit...I'm really not sure. But getting rid of him is just not an option. I love Bailey despite all of his faults. I have invested as much of myself as I possibly could into him, for his own good. He has his brief moments of sweetness, and they are truly worth it. At the same time he breaks my heart. I feel like I've failed him each time he uses his powers for evil instead of good. I wonder how on earth he could treat me this way after everything I have done for him?

We don't have children yet, but I'm sure parents experience similar things. I know our Heavenly Father does. Time and time again, I have treated God the same way Bailey treats me. I am so thankful that God forgives, time and time again! What a great example. If He can do that for me, surely I can survive life with Bailey. Although, I do think I will need a lot of help!

(I wanted to post pictures in here, but I can't figure it out. If you can help, let me know!)%

Out of Control

Well, KK wants me to keep this up...so I guess I will start thinking and share some more of my thoughts.

Yesterday was Kristi's birthday! Happy Birthday KK! I have to say I wanted to cry when she started talking about turning 28. Those days have already passed me by. Not too long ago I turned 30. I didn't like it much at all, but it didn't turn out to be so bad. :) I'm trying to focus more on the moment these days. I have a tendency to dwell on what I can't change from the past and fear what I don't know about the future. This can sometimes cause me to miss out on the great things in the moment, ya know what I mean? I'm trying to see the good in every situation and give my worries and fears over to God.

This is not easy for me. I'm a huge control freak. Not in the way like I want to control other people...mostly, I just want to have this feeling of control over my own life. So many not so great things have happened in my life that I have had no control over, (this obviously happens in everyone's life) and I've realized that this has left me with this "need" to have control over anything and everything that I can in my life. It just doesn't work that way does it?

Over and over I find that the things I try hardest to control, are the things that God wants most from me. The things that freak me out and get me totally worried are the things that He has already worked out for me. I have all these ideas about how my life should turn out and I have to tell you that most of the time God has other plans. Why am I so hesitant to let Him do his thing? To give up the fight for the things I want, the things I think that I need? Thankfully, whether I end up releasing it or not God has control over my life. I can make it as difficult for Him as I can, but he will win. Proverbs 19:21 "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails". And as hard as it is for me to admit that I don't have control, it is actually a comforting thought. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". I may not understand what his plans are or why I have to wait (another thing I am not good at, but we'll talk about another time), but knowing that His plans are best for me helps me let go.

So, I will take it as it comes...moment by moment...and try my best to submit to what God's plans are for my life. I don't change anything by holding on to my own wants, I only postpone what God wants to do in my life. The blessings he has for me.