I absolutely LOVE Christmas music. I generally listen to it from Thanksgiving till New Years...all day, every day! Lately, I have been experiencing this unofficial tradition from a new perspective. Some of these songs are really taking me back and giving me a new appreciation for the memories I have in my life. One such song starts as follows:
So this is Christmas...and what have you done?
Another year over...and a new one just begun.
So this is Christmas...I hope you have fun.
The near and the dear ones...the old and the young.
Each time I listen to this song...I tear up. Mostly because I am pretty much and emotional wreck right now...but also because it poses some very deep thoughts for me. So this is Christmas...and what have you done? What have I done? Sometimes, it doesn't feel like I have done much at all. I often feel like I have taken so many things for granted and stumbled through so many things I could've done better. Then there are the things I didn't even do...plenty of opportunity...but no action. And now...Another year over...you can't take back the time you've wasted or re-do the things you've messed up. Time is going SO quickly...they all tell you this when you are a carefree adolescent without a care in the world...and you never believe them...until it happens!
A new one just begun...This is a hopeful statement...I begin to think about the things there is still time to do. Everything that lies ahead of me. Things that maybe I can make right. Unfortunately, sometimes the weight of tremendous responsibility gets the best of me and I start to freak out a little. We're going to be responsible for another life! This totally overwhelms me at times...I feel like there is NO possible way that I can succeed in this task. (Thankfully, I can count on God to help me through this one)
So this is Christmas...I hope you have fun...This is when the memories begin. We DO have fun at Christmas! I spend time with family and friends that I don't get to see very often and I really do enjoy it so much. Something about this year makes me a little sad though. I guess I'm sad for the one's who aren't here anymore. When I see old home movies of people who are now senior citizens or who have already passed away at a time when they were my age (they don't even have to be people I know!)...I just can't help but think of how soon this time will be gone. Of all the unexpected things that lie ahead. How none of them were thinking about cancer or heart failure at the time...and then one day...they were forced to. I wonder when a day like that will come in our lives...and how we will handle it.
The near and the dear ones...the old and the young...But I do have mostly good memories. Particularly of my Dad. I have been thinking about him a lot lately...for no particular reason...probably the pregnancy and the inevitable memory rollercoaster associated with the Holidays. Sometimes, I feel like I can't possibly remember every great thing about him. It's like I need to write down every little thing I think about for fear of forgetting and not being able to pass on his legacy. This is important to me. With a child on the way...I want him or her to know everything about their grandpa...but how? How can I possibly convey all the great things that were my Dad? All the little things...the daily things...the special things...
Well...okay...so, how is that for an uplifting Holiday message!? I'm really not such a downer all the time...in fact, more often than not I'm thinking on the good things...the fun things...and trying not to let myself become so overwhelmed. I've also stopped listening to that song quite so much. The Holidays will be good for us, filled with family, friends, laughter and joy...And I guess it is not a bad thing to think about these things from time to time...I guess sometimes it's these things that motivate us to make a change or start a tradition. Most importantly...to remember our blessings...and not take things for granted.
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