Glowing?

I have this friend who always describes his pregnant wife as "glowing".

Glowing? Not me! So far pregnancy has not been my most enjoyable time. All day sickness & crazy emotional rollercoaster rides... Please don't get me wrong...I am SO thankful and I don't take this for granted for one moment. It's just the actual pregnancy part has been kinda hard on me. Now I am really sick...caught one of the worst colds I have ever had (not adding that for drama here...I'm serious...I don't remember ever having a cold this bad).

The only thing "glowing" about me right now is the junk that has built up in my sinuses, screaming to get out. My face hurts so bad...even my teeth! I would venture to guess that my face begins to "glow" when I start one of my coughing fits and my throat is at least twice its normal size. Anytime I try to sleep the coughing gets worse and keeps me up all night. Seriously, I checked the clock every hour.

I went to the doc yesterday, certian that I had sinusitis or bronchitis or pneumonia or something worse than a cold. But I don't. That is the good news. The bad news is, since it is just a cold all I can do is wait it out. I can't even take anything for it (because I'm pregnant) but tylenol (might as well eat candy). So forgive me for my inactivity on email, blogs, texts etc...I'm probably laying on the couch trying to sleep.

Memories

DISCLAIMER: What you are about to encounter involves an over emotional pregnant woman with a keyboard and time to write a novel.

I absolutely LOVE Christmas music. I generally listen to it from Thanksgiving till New Years...all day, every day! Lately, I have been experiencing this unofficial tradition from a new perspective. Some of these songs are really taking me back and giving me a new appreciation for the memories I have in my life. One such song starts as follows:

So this is Christmas...and what have you done?
Another year over...and a new one just begun.
So this is Christmas...I hope you have fun.
The near and the dear ones...the old and the young.

Each time I listen to this song...I tear up. Mostly because I am pretty much and emotional wreck right now...but also because it poses some very deep thoughts for me. So this is Christmas...and what have you done? What have I done? Sometimes, it doesn't feel like I have done much at all. I often feel like I have taken so many things for granted and stumbled through so many things I could've done better. Then there are the things I didn't even do...plenty of opportunity...but no action. And now...Another year over...you can't take back the time you've wasted or re-do the things you've messed up. Time is going SO quickly...they all tell you this when you are a carefree adolescent without a care in the world...and you never believe them...until it happens!

A new one just begun...This is a hopeful statement...I begin to think about the things there is still time to do. Everything that lies ahead of me. Things that maybe I can make right. Unfortunately, sometimes the weight of tremendous responsibility gets the best of me and I start to freak out a little. We're going to be responsible for another life! This totally overwhelms me at times...I feel like there is NO possible way that I can succeed in this task. (Thankfully, I can count on God to help me through this one)

So this is Christmas...I hope you have fun...This is when the memories begin. We DO have fun at Christmas! I spend time with family and friends that I don't get to see very often and I really do enjoy it so much. Something about this year makes me a little sad though. I guess I'm sad for the one's who aren't here anymore. When I see old home movies of people who are now senior citizens or who have already passed away at a time when they were my age (they don't even have to be people I know!)...I just can't help but think of how soon this time will be gone. Of all the unexpected things that lie ahead. How none of them were thinking about cancer or heart failure at the time...and then one day...they were forced to. I wonder when a day like that will come in our lives...and how we will handle it.

The near and the dear ones...the old and the young...But I do have mostly good memories. Particularly of my Dad. I have been thinking about him a lot lately...for no particular reason...probably the pregnancy and the inevitable memory rollercoaster associated with the Holidays. Sometimes, I feel like I can't possibly remember every great thing about him. It's like I need to write down every little thing I think about for fear of forgetting and not being able to pass on his legacy. This is important to me. With a child on the way...I want him or her to know everything about their grandpa...but how? How can I possibly convey all the great things that were my Dad? All the little things...the daily things...the special things...

Well...okay...so, how is that for an uplifting Holiday message!? I'm really not such a downer all the time...in fact, more often than not I'm thinking on the good things...the fun things...and trying not to let myself become so overwhelmed. I've also stopped listening to that song quite so much. The Holidays will be good for us, filled with family, friends, laughter and joy...And I guess it is not a bad thing to think about these things from time to time...I guess sometimes it's these things that motivate us to make a change or start a tradition. Most importantly...to remember our blessings...and not take things for granted.

Overzealous

First of all...is that right? Is overzealous one word or two? Oh well...this blog is not about my grammar or spelling abilities (thank heavens).

Turns out I got a little too excited too soon about the decrease in my nausea. This morning is brutal. I woke up trying very hard not to gag at the slightest little thing...dishes in the sink, making coffee (decaf), making oatmeal (very bad choice when your already nauseous by the way...), trying to figure out what I'm gonna have for lunch, taking out the garbage, etc... Even sitting here now recalling the situation has started that familiar and uncomfortable feeling in the back of my throat. (open and insert one raspberry preggy pop!). Okay, I'm going to move on to another topic now.

Seems that these pregnancy hormones have done quite a number on me. I really thought I was doing okay in the mood category...I've never been one to blame my actions on PMS or any other hormonal instability...but this is really just CRAZY. Sometimes I feel like a totally different person. For starters...I have never been terribly emotional. Sad movies and stories often make me tear up a little, but I'm generally really good at keeping my composure. Well, forget that now. Tears are rolling far more frequently than I am used to and it has kinda thrown me off a little. I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. One thing is for sure...I am going to have to quit watching Emergency Vets and Baby Story...sure waterworks, every time!

Not only that...but I seem to be having trouble keeping my conversations rational. I mean, I can start out talking about a very good topic...something that needs to be discussed...something that could be resolved calmly and orderly...and by the end of the conversation I am a hopeless mess and I've managed to blow the situation completely out of proportion and made matters about 1000 times worse. I have always had an incredible knack for being over analytical and talking things to DEATH...combine that with these pregnancy hormones and...watch out. My intentions are good...I just want whatever to be resolved so we can move on and live in harmony...but once I get started there is NO resolution or harmony anywhere to be found. Who IS this person?

And talk about over sensitive! I'm constantly making the wrong conclusions or assumptions about other peoples actions. Things that would normally just roll off my back can now become major issues in my mind. I'm a paranoid mess.

Unfortunately, Mike is really the main one getting the brunt of ALL this. Sometimes I think if we manage to get through this without him leaving me, THAT will be the true miracle of pregnancy and childbirth. Pray for him...pray for US. Pray for anyone who comes across my path. Lord help us all.

Decisions, Decisions...

I have another appointment today with my ob. I'm sure some of you have been wondering...we have decided NOT to do any of the screening tests. I wanted to thank everyone for their input and let you all know we have total peace about the decision. So, we are patiently awaiting our 18 - 20 week ultrasound when we will be able to find out what gender our baby is (yes we are finding out...I've waited long enough and don't really like suprises all that much anyway! ) and we'll hopefully see that things are progressing as planned. I don't have a date for it yet, but it will be sometime at the end of Jan or early Feb. I have a feeling we are having a boy...Mike thinks it's a girl. Several friends think girl too...but we have run across a few who think boy. We'll see?!?!?!

The next decision on my mind...vaccinations. To vaccinate or not to vaccinate...THAT is the question. I honestly don't have an opinion just yet...so, Mike and I will start our researching...and we'll see what we come up with. Any info and advice is welcome...when we come to a decision, it will be after much prayerful consideration and trust that God will guide us to do what is best for our family.

Morning sickness (or all day sickness as my experience has been) is getting better for me. I managed to get through all 9 GOC concerts and I actually felt pretty good. I really felt like God was giving me the strength and the energy I needed at just the right time. I would wake up feeling absolutely seasick and by the time I stepped on the stage (and with a little help from preggy pops, tums smoothies and peppermint gum...not all at once...) I would be feeling good and ready to sing my heart out. I suffered through a few pretty annoying headaches, but discovered that tylenol actually can get rid of a headache when combined with just a little bit of caffeine (only 1/2 cup of coffee...did the trick).

I'm reading a book by Max Lucado called "The Cure for the Common Life". I haven't gotten too far into it yet, but what I have read so far has been about how God has created a "sweet spot" in our lifes. He's given us just the right talents and abilities to do exactly what He wants us to do. Of course I have heard this concept before...but it was refreshing to read it from a new perspective. Expectant parent. The last couple of years have really felt like a search for me...like I wasn't quite in the right spot...like this wasn't really "IT" for me...like God was preparing me for something more. I really started thinking about my gifts, talents, desires, and dreams...and began to wonder if this could be my sweet spot? Parenthood? Motherhood? Is this what God has created me and gifted me for? It could be...It could be that and even more...but it gave me a new excitement for what is about to happen in our lives and reminded me that I can't even begin to do this without Him. He has blessed us and gifted us just for this purpose and I just can't wait to see what He is going to do in our child's life through us.