Good News

It has been many months (2 years actually) of waiting, praying, hoping, learning, blogging etc... I've often wondered as I wrote about what God was doing in my life how many of you knew what the focus of my struggle was. I know that several close friends knew and I assumed that many others would figure it out, but that was okay with me. Why didn't I write about it more specifically...I don't really know. I guess it was because for so long it was the total focus of my life and I knew I needed to get my focus back on the right things.

Well, now I can tell you the focus of my struggle and the journey God has had me on for the past two years was one of infertility. Mike and I decided in Sept 2004 that we would like to start a family. Little did we know that the decision was not ours to make. We tried for a year without any intervention and then we started seeing specialists and undergoing treatments. For me treatments consisted of medication. 2 different medications each for 3 months. As we progressed farther in our journey we discussed several options, but decided that for us...medications would be as far as we would go with the treatments. This was a difficult decision to make seeing as the medications weren't working for me. Regardless, when the time came and we were done with the medications we decided to stop fertility treatments even though it seemed that we would not be able to have a child without them.

That must've been the key. 2 months later...I was pregnant. The decision to stop the treatments was more significant than I had thought. It was the first time in this journey that I really allowed God to change my heart. My focus through most of this had been "what can I do to have a baby"..."how can I make this work" etc...but now, by making this decision I realized that I was saying "okay, I understand. there is nothing I can do and I am not going to try and make my desires happen any longer. I am honestly and truly placing this completely in your hands Lord".

There is so much more to the story and the only reason I am sharing this is because now that God has given us the desire of our hearts...I don't want to forget everything He has taught me a long the way. Now that I "have what I want" I don't want to push God aside as if He had nothing to do with it. I want to claim this for what it is...A blessing from God. I don't need Him any less now than I did when I was waiting for Him to answer our prayers.

And I realize that His answers to prayer were there all along. Even if He had decided that children were not in His plan for us...He would still have answered our prayers. God is not good because He has given us a child, He is good because His ways are perfect and He will see us through. This is STILL completely in His hands. His plan for this child starts now and ends when He sees fit. Just as before, we will not force His hand and I do not want MY will for this child...only HIS. These are lessons that I needed to learn and as difficult as it was, I am SO thankful that God brought me through this and had His will in my life. I pray He will continue to do the same on this new journey...PARENTHOOD!!!

So, please pray for a healthy pregnancy and delivery. We are due June 24, 2007. I look forward to sharing God's blessing with you.