A funny thing happened yesterday.
See, when I started this blog stuff, I just assumed that no one would really be that interested in anything that I would have to say. Initially, I didn't even tell anyone except a few friends of mine who actually have blogs on this site. Then yesterday, I decided to share some verses to try and uplift people during a very sad time. So, I put myself out there and wrote my blog address on Ed's website so people could come check it out. I guess I was wrong about people not being interested in my blog...I got a very interesting message. Actually, it broke my heart.
You can read it for yourself, it is posted on yesterdays message as the third comment along with my reply (the next comment).
To give you some background, I serve in the music ministry on the Praise Team at NorthRidge (I'm going to assume most of you knew that already). Just in case any of you have ever felt the way this person does about me or anyone else on praise team, let me just share my heart with you. I consider it an honor and a priviledge to serve the Lord in this way. I do love to sing, but by no means do I consider myself elite or better than anyone because I happen to be called to serve in this way. To be honest with you, I am continually surprised and humbled that the Lord DOES use me in this way. I know that I have a big responsibility to have integrity and uphold a righteous and selfless character, otherwise it would not be right for me to be in a place leading others in worship. I will say however, that I am human, and I will make the same mistakes as anyone else. Thank God that the Lord forgives, right? If I have knowingly offended or upset someone in anyway, I do what I can to make it right. I try very hard to protect my relationships, from my closest friend to my acquaintances.
The problem is I guess sometimes we unknowingly do things that offend or upset other people. Because I am human, perhaps I have truly given this person a reason to be upset with me, but if I have, I honestly was not aware of it. My feeling is that really I have just been misunderstood. Put into a group, a stereotype of sorts, and fell victim to a sad accusation. What hurt the most is the idea that I may be serving in a way that is not pleasing to the Lord (i.e. being one way "on stage" and another way "off stage"). I can assure you that to the best of my ability, what you see is what you get. I try and try every day to be the person that God wants me to be. On stage or not. Hopefully, I have been somewhat successful.
I already explained the closeness of the relationships between praise team members on my reply. Any of you who serve in any ministry know that you build a strong connection with the others that serve in that ministry with you. You HAVE to. You all experience the same things and need that support from eachother to get you through. No one understands the challenges of ministry like those involved in it with you. I do not apologize for the close relationships I have within the praise team. They are all very special to me and they have helped me through many difficult times. Please don't make that into something it is not. It is not by any means exclusive. I have just as many, actually more, close friends that have never even been on the stage (ok, that's an exaggeration...most of them have probably set foot on it at one time or another), but my point is I have friends from all areas and all walks of life and each one of them holds a special place in my heart. So, please don't label me as exclusive. I work very hard not to be. However, if any of you have felt differently...please let me know! There must be something I can do better if that is the case.
Bottom line, praise team is a ministry, not a social or elite club, not a contest or a way to super stardom. I have never felt any other way about it. We all have relationships that are closer than others. That is the way life goes. Sure there are people that I would love to be closer to, but for whatever reason, life does not allow that right now. I struggle at times to keep my close relationships nurtured and vibrant. My very best friend, Jamie, moved 2 years ago to South Carolina and I would give anything to be able to spend more time with her. If we all had so many acquaintances and no close friends, where would we be? The Lord brings people in and out of our lives for various reasons. He also allows some to be close friends and some to be aquaintances. He uses them all in our lives, even the friends and aquaintances that hurt us. We all need to come to a place where we accept what the Lord brings in and out of our lives and not always take it personally. Everyone wants to do good and everyone wants close relationships. My challenge to everyone is, try to show a little grace to those you don't really know before you make an assumption about them. What would happen if we all assumed the best of people instead of the worst? If you are truly given reason to think something ill of someone, please talk to them and clear it up. Chances are it is simply a misunderstanding.
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10 comments:
Nancy,
I would also like to say thanks for taking the time to put all those verses together. I never met Ed but through friends of his at NRC and his homepage, I also feel like I've lost a friend.
Also I think its great that you've found a way to use your gift to furher our Lord's Kingdom with your singing.
God Bless,
Rich
I love what you said about assuming the best about somebody instead of the worst.
Oh, Lord, may we all be united and have Your strength and love to do just that! In the power of Your Name Jesus, Amen.
I love you, Nancy, and thank God for you and your heart!
Lori
I have to echo one of Nancy's words...."Wow". I have been anxiously reading Krisi's blog ever since she invited me in to share. I have come to eagerly await her entries, as they are so obviously written from the heart. I can honestly say the words always inspire me...sometimes they make me laugh, sometimes cry, but always make me remember why it is that I love her. All I can say to "Anonymous" is to remember that we are all human, full of flaws and imperfections. If the Praise Team were to consist of people who never slip, the Praise Team would be non-existent, as would the choir. Personally speaking, it is often difficult to be a part of this team, as you do many times feel scrutinized. I don't agree that you have to be "deemed cool enough or hip enough" to be a part of this team. Yes, vocal ability is most important, but having a heart for God is equally as important and I truly believe that everyone on this team has that. I will say that I DO agree with the comment "a lot of growth still needs to take place"....of course it does. As God's people, we will never stop growing until the day we are sent to Heaven. Only at this time will we be judged...not here on earth by others who feel the need to do so. It is also true that we ARE a big family, and even in big families the so-called "clicks" tend to form. Not intentionally or maliciously, but because it is human nature to draw towards others that you feel a connection with. This doesn't mean that you are shutting anyone out, but not all levels of friendships are the same. By being on a "team", you will ultimately become closer to those individuals merely due to the fact that you spend more time with them and share a common interest. Unfortunately, it only takes one "bad day" to offend a person unintentionally. If this happens, it puts a bad taste in the "receiver's" mouth. This is unfortunate, because in a world filled with stress and heartache, it is so easy to walk by someone without acknowledging them, or to be so wrapped up in your own life's troubles that you inadvertantly dismiss someone, or maybe you just plain don't see them...all of these things can lead a person to believe you are "unapproachable", and it really only takes one instance to create this perception. I guess I should close this entry...I had not wanted to respond at all, but my head and my heart were telling me that I had to....not to "defend", but to voice my opinion just as anonymous did. I am saddened that whoever you are feels this way...you've obviously been hurt or offended in some way, but unfortunately, conveying your thoughts in an anonymous post will never provide any closure. Speaking for myself (and probably others), I yearn to reach out to to you and offer my regret for how you feel.
Nancy,
Don't let comments from random people stop you from sharing on this Blog. You have already touched peoples lives through the things God has prompted you to write, so stick with it.
Sometimes even "well meaining" Christians are a tool of the enemy (sorry "anonymous"). People can say the most hurtful things in the name of "being real," which is a giant cop-out... speaking the truth in LOVE is a totally different thing.
Keep up the good work... God bless.
My heart has been very heavy & bothered after having made the foolish decision to leave you the "infamous anonymous blog", that evidently & certainly caused you pain. I have been restless in my spirit and have felt absolutely awful about my decision to leave the blog and am convinced that not only it was wrong, the timing could not have been more inappropriate (when so many of us are grieving over the loss of a great man, Ed)!!!
I am the one who misunderstood you all along, by allowing myself to be influenced by others who may comment out of UNGODLY motives. Your heart has been clearly conveyed in your responses, specifically Nancy, Bonnie & Mark, who were firm in their stance, yet so non-judgmental and loving in their response. Not only I feel ashamed, but humbled by your testimony. Yes, as I mentioned "we all still have a lot of growth to do" and I direct that mostly to myself. Yes, I am also a wimp, who did not have the courage to just approach you directly with my thoughts and in a more private manner. I sincerely hope that you will eventually find it in your hearts to forgive me, I have gone before the Lord in prayer for His cleansing and forgiveness and I genuinely regret any pain that I have caused you with my unwise decision to not be used as an instrument for your edification! You have all blessed me so many times with your service of Worship, please don't ever let that light stop burning! I am so very sorry!!!
Anonymous, of course you are forgiven! Who would we be as we sit and ask for grace for our mistakes and then not be willing to forgive you? We all do things we wish we could take back when we are wrapped up in our emotions. Hopefully we all understand eachother a little better now and we have all learned something about living in the family of Christ. Once again, if I knew who you were...I'd hug you! Hope you have a great day.
Anonymous...if you actually do know me, you already know how I feel. I have no room in my life for bitterness or hard feelings. I mean that whole-heartedly. I had forgiven you before you even asked for it...your initial feelings really did sadden me. I've had feelings of unworthiness before (more than you probably know), so I know the hurt that can come from that. Everyone wants to be accepted and affirmed. Good can, and has, come from this, so let's choose to look at it that way and learn from it. Please be assured that whoever you are, I love you. I mean that with all that is in me. I really, really do.
Nancy,
I saw your web page on Ed Horn's blog. Mitchell & I knew Ed from Inter City. Anyway, I thought you handled yourself exactly the way a Christian should in your response to "anonymous". Don't hesitate to put down your thoughts and feelings. I guess there is always a chance that we will end up offending someone, but I am sure that Paul (in the Bible) offended many on his quest to win people to the Lord. Anyway, I don't want to ramble on I just wanted to let you know that I checked out your blog. Take Care.
Tina Tally
(Ray's sister)
Nance - your heart is pure. I wouldn't give any more thought to Anonymous' comments other than as a reminder that we represent Christ at all times (sometimes when we probably wish nobody was watching!!). You have always carried yourself in a way that is antithetical to "exclusive" so I would not worry about it! I think you're awesome! :)
shelly
love you honey! and I am soooooooooooooooooo proud of you!!!!
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