Out of Control

Well, KK wants me to keep this up...so I guess I will start thinking and share some more of my thoughts.

Yesterday was Kristi's birthday! Happy Birthday KK! I have to say I wanted to cry when she started talking about turning 28. Those days have already passed me by. Not too long ago I turned 30. I didn't like it much at all, but it didn't turn out to be so bad. :) I'm trying to focus more on the moment these days. I have a tendency to dwell on what I can't change from the past and fear what I don't know about the future. This can sometimes cause me to miss out on the great things in the moment, ya know what I mean? I'm trying to see the good in every situation and give my worries and fears over to God.

This is not easy for me. I'm a huge control freak. Not in the way like I want to control other people...mostly, I just want to have this feeling of control over my own life. So many not so great things have happened in my life that I have had no control over, (this obviously happens in everyone's life) and I've realized that this has left me with this "need" to have control over anything and everything that I can in my life. It just doesn't work that way does it?

Over and over I find that the things I try hardest to control, are the things that God wants most from me. The things that freak me out and get me totally worried are the things that He has already worked out for me. I have all these ideas about how my life should turn out and I have to tell you that most of the time God has other plans. Why am I so hesitant to let Him do his thing? To give up the fight for the things I want, the things I think that I need? Thankfully, whether I end up releasing it or not God has control over my life. I can make it as difficult for Him as I can, but he will win. Proverbs 19:21 "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails". And as hard as it is for me to admit that I don't have control, it is actually a comforting thought. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". I may not understand what his plans are or why I have to wait (another thing I am not good at, but we'll talk about another time), but knowing that His plans are best for me helps me let go.

So, I will take it as it comes...moment by moment...and try my best to submit to what God's plans are for my life. I don't change anything by holding on to my own wants, I only postpone what God wants to do in my life. The blessings he has for me.