Catching up...

I love to share my thoughts, and when I started blogging several years ago it just came so easily. I never saw myself as someone who would have to "make time" for something that came so naturally to me. But as many of you could've told me long in advance...things change, life happens, and even during some of the very best times of life, we just find that some things become more difficult and we have less time.

I think part of the reason I have not written in such a long time is because the longer it goes, the more I feel like I have to catch up on and the more I realize I probably can't do that. Right or wrong it feels like a failure to me...if I can't do this and do it well, then maybe I shouldn't do it at all. Looking back over my last few entries, I feel like it wouldn't be right to "quit" at this juncture. I think I just have to develop a new understanding with myself and let this be what it can be and find the enjoyment of it again.

Anyone who would take the time to read this has probably kept pretty updated via facebook...I guess it became an easier way to get little snip its of what was happening out there without getting into the nitty gritty of it all. But after sharing so openly about my miscarriage on the blog last year, I realized that I never returned to the blog to share the good news...most of you already know, but almost exactly 6 months after the day I miscarried, I found out I was pregnant again!

I wish I could say I was elated, but I have to tell you that from the moment I found out I felt an overwhelming sense of fear and anxiety. Every day worry would overcome me and I was sick with it. I was convinced that something was going to happen to this baby and I was a mess. I wrote a little bit about it in the "baby blog" that I started, and I don't want this to get too long...but what you do need to know is that little by little, day by day, I started giving these worries, fears, and anxieties back to the Lord. I knew I couldn't continue to live in fear and worry and I was desperately clinging to God to show me the peace that He promises. And he DID!

I can hardly believe it myself, but I actually started to function without worry or fear. I can't say that I was free from it every moment, but for probably one of the few times I can remember in my life (at least while facing a difficult situation), I was not letting it consume me. I felt like I was actually taking every thought captive and giving it over to God. I learned verses about peace and repeated His promises to myself again and again. It was really a wonderful experience for me, and I grew so much during this pregnancy.

I'm happy to say that the pregnancy has gone well, 34 weeks and counting. I'm excited about what God is doing in our lives, and the blessings He is giving us. Facing life soon with 2 children (particularly one toddler) does tempt me to let the worry creep back in, but hopefully I can remember the lessons I've learned and trust God to be all I need and all my family needs to live happily and abundantly.

Since part of me still can't let go of having to include the things I've missed....here's a little recap of the highlights of 2009:

Leading a table at MOPS for the winter 2009 session. I LOVE these women and we have developed great friendship that still exist and are growing today. :)

Playing softball with several friends from Northridge...first time back to an organized sport in years!! It was SO much fun.

Our family going to Disney World with my Brother and Sister-in-law. Isaac loved every minute of it and he loves spending time with Uncle Jon and Aunt Amber...we love them too!!

After Disney, heading over to SC to see my closest friend Jamie and her family. We really cherish every moment we get to spend with them!

Scrapbook weekend with the girls! I actually did one in January and one in June and both of them were so fun! I just love getting away, having girl time, sharing great food and getting things done!! (in my scrapbook).

Being blessed with another pregnancy in July, and being blessed by God's presence as He used this to help me grow closer to Him.

After encouragement from family and friends, taking steps toward starting my own photography "business". Things have been going really well and for the first time in a long time, I am doing something "vocationally" that I honestly enjoy! Thank you to everyone who has and is still supporting me through this!

Going to MOPS convention in Nashville, TN. It was such a blessing and I was encouraged in every way...as a woman, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, and friend. I am so thankful for the experience and thankful for those relationships that were started and strengthened there.

Starting MOPS Fall 2009 as a Table Leader Coordinator. I love serving in this role and I'm thankful for the opportunities and friendships it has blessed me with.

Glory of Christmas 2009. This is something I look forward to every year. While I enjoy serving in the choir and praise team all year round, there is just something so very special about this time together. This year was no different (although being 6 months pregnant, it did have its challenges)...and the blessings that come from this are too many to even mention.

So that about sums things up. We have had a rather uneventful (which is actually a good thing) start to 2010 and already some great things appear to be in store for our family. My goal is to try and share my heart with you more regularly regarding these things...I'm trying to keep this blog about my thoughts in general...for update on the boys you can catch up on my other blogs (see right side column for links). :)

Thanks for listening...until next time....hopefully sooner than later.

A New Venture

Everyone dreams of being able to do something they love. I have been so blessed to be able to leave the working world behind and stay at home with our son. I'm so thankful that Mike works so hard for us and has trusted God to meet our needs while we sacrifice to allow me to be with Isaac. Although mothering has turned out to be more of a full time "job" than I ever could have dreamed...I absolutely love it!

I have never regretted our decision, and I don't miss working...but at times it can be easy to lose a little bit of your "self" when you are with a toddler all day, every day! Don't get me wrong, I do get plenty of opportunities to make time for myself (another thing my wonderful hubby had been so gracious about helping me do and I am SO thankful to him for). I have also tried my share of small business opportunities hoping to get that little bit of extra spending money...but none of them really took off for me, and I was okay with that...they were mostly things that helped me support my own hobbies and interests. :)

One such hobby started to make it's way out into the lime light. As I was taking time to work on something I have always loved to do, people began to take notice...something that never occurred to me. I love to take pictures and really began working on improving my skills in this area. I had really only intended to do this for my own benefit, to improve the pictures I was taking of Isaac and our family outings...but before I knew it people were asking me to take pictures for them! The more I do, the more people ask me, and the more I LOVE doing it. So many people have encouraged me to allow this hobby to become a little more, and I have decided to go ahead and try my hand at a small photography business. For now it will be called Nancy Gregg Photography (clever huh?) and I am going to use this blog to post pics that people can view. http://nancygreggphotography.blogspot.com (coming soon).

So I appreciate all your prayers and encouragement. I don't want this to become just another "job", but really an extension of something I love to do and am so blessed to have to opportunity to share with others.

Faithful

Do you notice how different "themes" tend to confront you in your life from time to time. I find myself going about my life and as I'm confronted by different circumstances, people, studies, messages etc...my thoughts for a season of time are continually brought back to a particular topic. Lately, I feel like this topic has been glorifying God. I'm afraid my summary of these thoughts may be significantly lacking, and I'm not even sure this is the correct title...but I felt that I should share this journey of understanding with you...mostly in an attempt to reel in the scattered bits and pieces and hopefully obtain a bit more understanding for myself.

My mind has been tossing around the question, "who am I or who do I want to be?" Several circumstances I have faced recently have really challenged this issue for me. Messages, studies, and conversations seem to be reinforcing the ideas and keeping the thoughts active. Every area of my life is forcing me to come back and focus on this topic. I know it is not a coincidence. God is doing something.

I recently read about Peter and his denial of Christ. What stood out to me this time when Christ reveals to Peter what is about to happen, is that His words tell us that Satan was trying his best to separate all of them (Christ's disciples) from Christ. The NIV says "Satan has asked to sift you as wheat". And he goes on to say that HE prayed for Peter! He prayed that Peter would not give in and would remain faithful to Him. The issue in Peters life was denial. The author of the study goes on to point out that the real issue was Peters inability to deny himself, which led him to deny Jesus Christ.

I just picture Christ having these same conversations with Satan about me. It is so easy to focus on our circumstance and be so wrapped up in the difficulty of it all that we miss the bigger picture. As most do I'm sure, I have great difficulty denying myself...particularly in the midst of trials. Suppose Satan has confronted Christ about this issue in my life and Christ has prayed for ME to not give in and to remain faithful. That thought right there has been so overwhelming to me in the past few months. I have come to believe that some difficult circumstances are allowed into our lives to teach us and to help us develop the qualities we need to be the person God has intended for us to be. But in addition, sometimes these difficulties are allowed into our lives to prove us faithful. Satan is trying to separate us from Christ! Christ knew that Peter would fail in the moment, but He also knew that Peter would NOT fail in the mission. I want Christ to know that about me! That is the person I want to be.

I tend to view my difficult circumstances as times to be endured or "survived", but that is really not the point. Not only do I want to be a person that can deny myself and remain faithful to God, I want to handle my circumstances (good and bad) in ways that bring glory to Him. I want to fight against Satan's attempt to separate me from Christ! Oh how I want to prove Satan wrong. When he thinks that he can hit me with something that will finally do me in, I just want to come back at him with a reaction that makes him sorry he even tried. Not only do I want everyone to see God glorified, but I want them to know that Satan tried and he failed...again. I want them to know that he is trying to separate them from God too, but (in the words of Beth Moore) Christ will not grant Satan permission to do anything that can't be used for God's glory and our good...if we will let it! Satan doesn't have to win in your life...Glorify God and be faithful! I want to make God so proud and so happy that he trusted me and gave me to opportunity to remain faithful. I will probably fail, just like Peter, in the moment (or two)...but I want to succeed in the mission.

I pray that God continues to confront me with this, and as my nature finds me fearing or refusing to deny myself...I pray that God reminds me that out of His love He sacrificed more than I could even imagine...and that Christ will ultimately find me faithful.

What's going on...

So, I know there are a lot of people wondering what has been going on with me lately. I have been through a difficult time and while I wasn't ready to share what was happening, I knew that I desperately needed prayers...from anyone who would pray...to help get me through.

Looking back on it all, it seems a bit over dramatic. My difficult time was no different from any of the other trials that are facing so many people we all know...in fact, it may pale in comparison to many...but it was mine...and to me, it was heartbreaking.

I found out in early January that we were expecting again! We were both really happy...however I have to be honest and say that we were also a bit shocked. Many of you know that it took us 2 years to get pregnant the first time, so when we agreed in December to open our lives up to the possibility of a second child...you can imagine what a surprise it was to see a positive pregnancy test in January!! After the shock wore off a bit...I began to realize how happy I was that I didn't have to go through the struggle of infertility a second time. While we had the normal hesitations of "can we really handle two"...and "what is going on with the economy and our finances...can we afford two"...there was such a relief knowing that God had spared us from the countless months of failed attempts and disappointments.

Don't get me wrong...I learned SO much through our struggle to conceive...primarily, that I am not in any way in control of this! And I remembered that lesson...we talked and prayed about adding to our family and I knew that this time...just like the last...HE would decide if another child was in His will for us and HE would decide when. I just have to be honest...I was SO glad He decided not to wait this time.

Which made what happened 6 weeks into the pregnancy that much more of a blow. I will spare you from the long drawn out details...but at 6 weeks I found out I was having a miscarriage. At that moment, in the tunnel vision of despair and over active hormones...I could not see outside of myself. This was the worst possible thing I could be experiencing and I couldn't see any purpose for it. I was mad. I had already learned my lessons and I couldn't see why God would possibly be trying to teach me even more. This time I went into this with all the "right" angles...I trusted Him first, I gave Him control from the beginning, I was willing to wait for His timing...and THIS is what He decides to do with that? How does that make any sense. If this wasn't the right time...why give it to me and then take it away?

I won't say that I suddenly began to understand or that it all began to make sense...because quite honestly...there is still so much that I don't understand. However, after some tears and a little time...I began to see that He was not doing this to me, but He was going through it with me. Yes, He knows the things that will come in and out of our lives and I believe He could have spared me from it...I believe He can do anything...but I also have come to realize that He uses things in our lives, even things we may never understand...for a bigger purpose...to draw others to Him and to bring glory to His name. For whatever reason, my experience serves to bring Him more glory than if He had allowed this pregnancy to continue...if I will let it.

That's when I realized I don't really have to know why this happened...I just want to do right by Him. I don't want to forget that I DID trust Him and give Him complete control before going into this...so I can know without a doubt that He has a plan for it all. I don't like the plan...I already told Him that (ha ha!)...but I don't want to say that I trust Him and give Him control and then back out of that the moment things don't go my way. When I said it...I meant it...and I'm going to stick by it. My battle is against the enemy and I don't intend to let him win by letting this consume me and make me bitter against God. Instead I plan to be on God's side and defeat Satan by remaining as faithful as I possibly can and allowing Him to have to victory over all of this. I have always prayed that I would be able to handle my trials this way. Thank you God for answering my prayer and for being everything I need to be that person.

So thank you to all of you who prayed, even though you may not have known what was going on. You helped God get everything in perspective for me...and helped Him remind me of the promises I made to Him...but more importantly...of the promises He's made to me. Please continue to pray as we trust Him to bless our family as He sees fit and as we give Him control to take us to that point in whatever way He sees fit. Pray that we will remember HE does not change, so we can stay faithful to Him no matter what we may need to endure.

Hard Times

I have had my share of difficult times. I know we all have. I don't really consider myself to be any different than anyone else on those terms. I have a history of getting through the tough times pretty well, I guess it is something I have picked up from my family along the way.

So hard times come and they go...I learn and I grow. I take a deep breath and find myself letting out a huge sigh of relief when the time passes. Somewhere in the back of my mind I conclude that "I finally got through this, I survived, things will be okay"...and they are...but only for that particular situation.

This is probably going to sound a lot worse than I really feel about life in general, but sometimes it's like I'm just sitting around waiting for the next problem. I guess I get this false sense of security from getting through a difficult time, like I've paid my dues...I'm somehow exempt from any more trouble. Of course I know that is not how it is...I guess that's the point...one difficult time prepares us and equips us to better handle the next. I know that...but I want it to come easier. I feel like I should be able to dive right into the next difficulty with this armor from my last experience that lets me just breeze right through it. Like I should think nothing of it, it shouldn't bother me, and I shouldn't have to feel guilty about how bad I think the whole thing stinks.

I know I put that pressure on myself. No one expects that from me, least of all God. I just wish it wasn't such a surprise when trouble hits again...I wish the things I've learned from previous experiences came back to me faster and easier...I wish the pain I endured in one situation could save me from (or at least dull) the pain of the next. If we all had a magic wand...right?

I'm not holding on to this problem...I'm putting it in His hands. I hate it, and I wish I didn't have to go through it, but I'm not letting it overcome me. My previous experiences have taught me this if nothing else...God will get me through the current situation...just like all the others...and He's the only one that can...if that is the only thing I know right now...I guess that is enough.

Christmastime

I don't know what it was about this year...but Christmas came and went in a whirlwind.

It all started at Thanksgiving. I have started this little tradition (since I've been married) of putting up our tree on the day after Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, this year we were all sick after Thanksgiving, so it was put off. I was a little bit disappointed but at the time I thought, "no problem...I will have plenty of time".

Then Glory of Christmas (GOC) started. I have been involved in this musical production that we do at Northridge Church for the past 13 years...why it snuck up on me this year, I have no idea...I know what is involved and I know that for the first two weeks of December I am lucky to get the day to day things done...much less any extra Holiday things...but I convinced myself it wouldn't be that bad...I could do it...

10 piles of laundry, a sink full of dishes, multiple tumbleweeds of dog hair, and 3 toilet rim rings later...I realized I was in over my head. The more that piled up, the less motivated I was to do it. Again, I convinced myself...GOC will be over and then I will have plenty of time to catch up.

I started off okay...the dirty piles of laundry became clean folded piles of laundry (well some of them), dishes were washed as we needed them, and I would pick up dog hair tumbleweeds as I passed. Notice I haven't mentioned the toilets yet...yea...not good...but people weren't coming to my house for 2 more weeks...plenty of time to clean the toilets. I still had to decorate my tree and get our Christmas card picture taken!

Day after day passed. Each day a new thing to take my attention away from the tasks at hand. It was Dec 21st we managed to get our pictures taken, Dec 23rd I decorated the tree, Dec 24th (and some of the morning on Dec 25th) I finally got the house cleaned (toilets too) and my Christmas cards mailed. I still have baskets of clean laundry to put away and new piles of dirty laundry to wash. I was honestly so overwhelmed and disappointed by it all.

But, when it all came down to it...we had a wonderful Christmas. We have spent much needed time with family and friends, gotten some much needed rest, and had some quiet moments together as a family. I will have memories from each chaotic Christmastime episode that will last a lifetime. :)

Story Time

In my quest to understand more about myself and my ways of life, I have responded to the suggestion to take some time for "myself". Every day (at least nearly every day) for the past few weeks as I put Isaac down for his nap, I brew come coffee...grab my warmest blanket...head to our living room, and open up a book.

It has been fun venturing into the living room. We rarely spend any time here...it is our "nice" room, with nice furniture and fixtures...where the kids and dogs are not allowed. There is no TV here, no phone, and generally...no computer (although today I have made an exception to share about this experience with you). There are two big windows that give me a glimpse into the outdoors and whatever beauty is taking place for that day. Some days the warm sun is glowing and lately the refreshing snow flakes have been falling...as hard as it is to appreciate the driving hazards, layers of clothing, and sore muscles from shoveling...it is hard to deny its beauty.


It is the perfect place in our house for a little peace and quiet. I have never been much of a reader, so it is very easy for me to be distracted. Here, I find that I don't have as much difficulty keeping focused. It is comfortable and inviting. The book I am reading is the Bible. I have been doing a bible study on the life of Jesus, and it sparked my interest in the gospels. I will admit that at first, this felt like more of a task...another thing on my "to do" list that I could check off and feel accomplished about. But as I read and learned, a desire started to spark and this time began to feel more like a rest or refuge. When my assigned reading was finished, I wanted more...I didn't want to just check that off for the day and go on my way...

So into the gospels I went. As Jesus entered the teaching phase of his life, he told so many stories. I have just recently started reading "The Message" translation, which uses language that adds even more to the element of "story time". I feel like a kid again, wrapped up in a blanket, listening to stories about great people and marvelous adventures. I have easily spent several hours here, brought back to reality by my son awaking from his nap. In the past I would've felt irritated that I had done "nothing" during Isaac's nap...my one chance to get things done around the house without having to worry about keeping an eye on him...but lately, I don't mind at all. I value this time so much, and when it is over I feel refreshed and happy.

Best of all, I am learning. I have been a Christian for most of my life, but I feel like I have so much to learn about God. I love this study I'm doing, and following the gospels...getting glimpses into WHO God really is and what that means for my life. He has so much compassion for us, but above that He has a plan. An eternal plan for a kingdom, that is His number one priority. There is much about His plan that is difficult to understand, but as I learn more about who He is...I know that He can be trusted. I know that He has a purpose for every decision He makes...one that for whatever reason, works for His eternal plan. I am convinced that Christ CAN do anything, but I know that He chooses what He will and will not do. My place is to seek His purposes in everything. Wanting more for His work and His will being done through my life than I want for my hardships and handicaps to be healed. As deeply as I desire your health and healing - and believe in your ability to provide it - I desire even more an abundance of your peace and truth (Jer 33:6). (paraphrased from Beth Moore).